This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

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angeloisking-At-hotmail.com

Friday, August 13, 2004



A proper, ironic start to today, almost as if it is a dream. The rain pounds and my voice mail starts going crazy. I wake up, smile and say to myself,

"this is going to be a good day!"


I check my voicemail, it completely ruined my day. I return a call, to get nothing but shit on the other end.
I am here to be whipped, when someone feels like shit, its taken out on me.
I protect and back people far to many, people I shouldn't back, people who don't deserve a friend like me.
Theory tonite should be good, but that plan looks like it is going to the dumps. I have not hit up a good drum and bass jam in a long long time.
I wanted today to be good, to be different.
I left my house last night, and cant help but think it was a curse.
I had a fucking blast last night, it was really fun drinking partying with friends.
NO STRESS. It was the first night in a while I felt good about myself.
I almost felt good this morning, I am not letting the nightmares bother me anymore, if I don't acknowledge them, maybe just maybe they will go away.
I dream of days that have past, fun times, you know kidstuff. But they are always twisted, and obtuse.
I don't even want to talk about them, cause thinking of them makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I cant wait for my school to start, and yah, I said I was going to "gracefully leave town" But seriously FT.
this is where I was born, this is where all my ties are. I will leave when I am ready too, if I want to goto school here that is my choice, no one can fucking threaten/guilttrip me into leaving.
My stomach is all fucked up, i barely ever eat, and am lossing weight as quickly as i lost my faith in the human race.
i want to write something funny, something entertaining, but today i no longer have it in me.
Im sick of this emotional roller coaster i am on, i just want someone to hit the preverbial emergency stop button, when i am upside down in the top of a loop.
I hope u all understand this.
and understand what i must do.








killed softly at 8/13/2004 12:14:00 PM
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