This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
I woke up this morning really late, to my sister walking in the house early from school. My head and body were unbelievably heavy, I could not move and could not figure out why. I felt like I was dreaming, everything was foggy, it was like I was drunk. I start asking her why she is home so early from school, she explained that it was a half day today, and had forgotten to tell my mom or dad this fact. She then asked me what smelled like gas. I immediately run into the kitchen to see that my gas stove is on, with no flame, just pumping gas into my house, into my lungs while I was sleeping. It must have been left on from when my mom made her breakfast. I turn it off and walk outside to get some fresh air. It was like getting slapped in the face, with the first breath I could feel the dizziness fade, it made me realize just how close I was to dying. If my sister did not have a half day today I would not be making this post, or any other for that matter. Then next thing written about me would be an obituary in the local paper. She came in around noon, so I was exposed to the fumes while sleeping for about 4 hours. I don't even think she realizes that she saved me, and since she is a just a little girl, I don't want to explain to her what just happened. I don't want to work her up, get her upset telling her that I almost just died. I wonder what it would have been like, to die that is. I don't think I would have felt any pain. I wonder how my friends/family would have reacted. You guys probably would have never found out I was dead. You would have thought that I had just quit my blog or something. That is strange. Its not like I could write on here from beyond the grave : "stop coming back, im dead y'all"
thinking about all this has kinda given me an Epiphany, I should stop wasting time self loathing and start enjoying life again. I was within inches to my death, but I truly believe that I was saved by some higher power. Not god or anything like that. But it is just a really big coincidence that my sister came home right in time, im sure I could not have inhaled more of that gas b4 finally passing, 4 hours is a long time. My head is really pounding right now, I wonder if I should goto the doctor, im sure that caused some more irreversible brain damage. From this day forward I promise to live every day to the fullest, not to play on my laptop for all hours of the day. You are all my witnesses.
For everyone who didnt have faith in me.
killed softly at 9/21/2004 01:15:00 PM
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