This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Im so fucking depressed today. The rain and wind have finally gotten to me, and my brain. I have to remember:
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away."
and right now i wish that someone would not just take my breath away, but take me with it. Out of here. To somewhere warm. where i could just lay on the white sand beach, play volley ball and just chill. I dont even want a lil fruity drink.
The thought of pot now a days makes me sick to my stomach. I thought that things were cool now a days. I thought that i was happy, but i guess that that there is nothing that can remove the black vail of depression that surrounds me. I can be distracted from it for a few hours, when that wears off it seems that i am feeling ten times worse.
Im being a dick to those around me, and i cant help it. I dont know what is wrong with me. I get mad when people read over my shoulder while i write. Today my reaction to that is really bad. The phone wont stop ringing, and i am starting to get really, really, really PISSED OFF.
I just need to be away from everyone and everything today. I am far to mad/bitter to be in the G.P, i have a feeling that i am going to get arrested today for yelling at random people who walk down the street.
I need someone on call 24 hours a day to deal with my mood swings.
the dude who just called me got such an ear full i think i might have given him a mental breakdown.
I am holding my last cig between my lips, debating if i should light it or not.
It is raining and i dont have a car to go and get anymore.
But i am nicking and really need a smoke fucking super bad.
I wish that i didnt wake up today.
killed softly at 9/09/2004 10:28:00 AM
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