This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Something you probably didn't know about me:

I play the piano, and have done so for almost 16 years. I love it, I think it is the best instrument in the world. I used to play everyday, but now I don't think I have played in almost 8 months.
I don't really know why I haven't played. IM going to go and try to play something now.
That was great fun, I just played Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik I think that roughly translates to Music of the night, or music for the night. Something to do with music, and night.
I used to write music, I actually started writing a song in early February,it was going to be a Valentines day gift that never got finished. I suck at making lyrics though, I just don't have the poetic genius to write words that go with music.
IM going to finish that song next week, and I am going to start playing everyday again.
I think that playing the piano is a skill I don't want to lose. My music writing ability has most likely diminished to nothing. Its a skill you constantly have to be working on so as not to get rusty.
When I was a kid, people would make so much fun of me for playing the piano, I was always the loser kid in my class. I would move around so much, sometimes I would goto two schools in one year. I was always the new kid. I was that kid, that never said too much, and always wore black. God I was even really depressed 10 years ago.
Has it really been 10 years that I have been battling with this disease.
I have never gone to the doctor and requested help. I think its a mix between pride, and not wanting to become something I am not.
Moving around a lot made me really good at making friends, but not at keeping them. I knew how to gain a friendship, but none of them lasted long enough to teach me how to keep a friendship.
I think that really fucked with me when finally moved to this town. I didn't think I would be staying long, and tried not to get to close to people. I can still remember my first day of school in this city, I was 11 and starting gr 6.
I felt so strange and outta place in that school. I had just moved from a small farm town on the other side of lake Ontario. When I lived there it was only me, my brother, and my dog. We were the 3 amigo's. My brother and my dog were my best friends. But when we moved here, my brother and I slowly grew apart. Even to this day our relationship isn't even close to what it once was 10 years ago. I feel like I don't even know him, and we are only one year apart.
We are two very different people. He is quiet, and I am loud. He keeps everything to himself, if I sneeze I like to call someone and brag about it.
I am still not good at keeping friends, I cant even be friends with my own brother, and I try, oh how I try to be friendly and brotherly. But it just doesn't work. I am jealous of my much younger bro and sister, they are good friends and play together, much like my brother and I did 10 years ago.
I sometimes wonder what the world is going to be like in 10 years from now, my much younger brother will be my age. I hope he doesn't make the same mistakes I did.
the bus is teasing me again.
Off I go. Up and A-TOM
My Costume for this weekend
If you cant tell I am very scatterbrained today, jumping from one story to the next, if you don't like it, don't read it.

killed softly at 10/28/2004 11:37:00 AM

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