This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations
Monday, October 25, 2004
WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
Do I ever do these two things? I think not. I don't drink. I haven't had a sip in about 2 months, and also I don't do drugs. I am constantly tempted to get really drunk, or really high almost 24 hours a day. Especially on weekends. When my friends and I go out to a nice club. We don't bother waiting in line, and usually go directly to VIP. We were out at this new place in Toronto on Saturday(well not that new, its a few months old). It is probably the best club in the city.
We go directly to VIP where the booze is flowing like a fire hydrant on a hot day. Girls in their 'sections' with 40 oz of vodka, that call for us to sit down. They start pouring shots and passing them around the table. I decline my drink and pass it along to the person next to me.
A lot of the time people ask me "why you don't drink?"
I really don't have an answer to that question, and don't think I ever will.
"I don't really know" is my usual response.
That follows with a barrage of questions like "Are you in AA? Are you on bail/parole? ECT ECT."
and I say: "I just choose not to use liquid courage to escape reality. I thought it was cool to get drunk and act like an idiot, and I thought it was cool to wake up the next day and not to remember the night before, and seriously the part I miss the most is the way you feel the next day. How could anyone want to give up that feeling, not just the hangover, but the depression you feel the day after a night of binge drinking. How did I ever give that up?"
Most people get insulted when I give them that sarcastic, zealous speech as they sip away on their vodka tonic, vodka redbull, or what ever the kids are drinking now a days.
Now I admit, I have not been off booze for that long, but it has been long enough for me to forget about those nasty feelings. Its really refreshing too forget what a hangover feels like. Too remember the club, the songs that were played, and the cute girls name that you talked to at the bar.
After the bar we head to someone's house. By this time its around 3 am. This is when the substances come out to play. There are mountains of coke piled high on glass tables and CD cases. E's are being ingested like tylenols on the morning of a hangover. People talk for hours about absolutely nothing, each person arguing their point so very strongly that it almost becomes scary. This cycle goes on for hours, sometimes it goes long after the sun rises.
I don't hate people who drink or do drugs, nor do I feel bad for them, or want to save them. "To each their own" really fits as to how I feel towards drug and alcohol abuse.
The use of drugs in my circle of friends seems to have multiplied by 10X in the past few months. I rarely stay out past 3 am now a days. I just don't have it in me, I am not afraid I will do drugs, I just get tired and get easily annoyed by 'high' people.
I will most likely have a drink again some day, only socially though. I know I will never use drugs again. I used them for a long time, but they used me for a lot longer.
killed softly at 10/25/2004 01:40:00 AM
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