This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

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Friday, November 12, 2004



I sometimes feel like the ash from a cigarette, the single speck ash, that floats away with the wind, to be breathed in by someone, or to float around to world seeing things as only a piece of ash could see it.
I am a floater, a drifter, a loner, and I am not complaining.
sometimes people think I am trying to be funny when I am being serious, and they all laugh and say "good one".
I get frustrated when that happens.
and I say to myself "self, what the hell are you going to do today? Its Friday, you aint got a job, you aint got shit to do, get your fucking act together, and smile"
then I try to smile, but its like my face is made of clay, making it almost impossible to smile.
then I day dream for a bit, it makes me depressed. I don't day dream I guess, I day nightmare.
I have felt nothing but stressed out the past 2 weeks, nothing seems to be going my way.
But I still wake up early everyday, and I still shower(im not dirtbag), I get dressed, and I face the world and all its glory.
I think all isn't that bad, people have it much worse then I will ever have it.
so this is what an anexiety attack feels like.


I have forgotten more, then you will ever know, remember that bitch.

killed softly at 11/12/2004 10:19:00 AM
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