This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations
Monday, January 31, 2005
"hes like on TV or something"
sleeping in the hotel hurt my back. So I said F this S. I checked out around 11 am. I was bored, and began to stir around in my room hence the early checkout. It was an interesting weekend.
I have this killer headache in the side of my head that only really hurts if I cough or sneeze or yell or do something strenuous. Other then that it really doesn't hurt to much. I mean the pain is still there, but I am tough, I can deal with it.
Sometimes I like to play poker too much. I have day dreams of playing high stakes and winning, and dancing. I think it is because they play far too much poker shows on TV. Basically any hour of the day you can find some sort of poker game you can watch on TV. Even now in hotel rooms, for just 2.95 an hour you can play video poker. VIDEO POKER. I don't think u can bet and win. Or bet and lose for that matter.
I didn't have the nards to play. I don't really know why.
I smoke way to much. Way t00 much. Like in bed, on the john, and I am sure if they invent water proof smokes I would have em in the shower. I have to quit now. Or when I am done this pack(no use wasting money). No,I have to quit now, right now. That is just a game the nicotine plays with your mind "after this pack ill quit" surrre. Stupid addictive plants. Tobacco sucks. How can they sell cancer in a box? That is just fucked up if you ask this guy.
"can I have some cancer milds?"
"9.50 please"
And if that isn't enough, they take 10 bucks off you, 10 bucks to give you cancer and yellow teeth.
"sounds like a good deal, where do I sign up."
killed softly at 1/31/2005 01:47:00 PM
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Saturday, January 29, 2005
"Step across the line"Fuck we got no cheese. Though i am lactose intolerable, i cant help but nibble on a few corners, from the orange brick of dairy goodness. It is one of my only vices, that and cigs. O, i also cant deny chocolate milk. Unless its nasty shitty soy shit milk.
When i am on a long drive(everyday) I get serious highway hypnosis, and my eyes like cross, and i go all trance like, ite quite interesting. I really actually enjoy it.
I have a feeling i will be living in a hotel for the next week or so. You know how it is.
killed softly at 1/29/2005 04:57:00 PM
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Friday, January 28, 2005
My friend Stevie is the man
This is steve, he has been a serious pimp since the age of 10. He has had a been brought up by my older friends and I, and has been trained to be a full crazy, rude, Emmcee.
He speaks his mind, and does what he pleases. He is a very talented machine.
I am a less then trained, smaller then talented machine.
killed softly at 1/28/2005 01:03:00 AM
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Thursday, January 27, 2005
"my social skills are lacking"Why the fuck am I so sad?
Wat the fuck is this bullshit. I see people everywhere, happy, fun yelling for good things. Scorning the bad.
I want to be happy again. It isn't fair, that someone who does things like I do, is unhappy all the time.
Sometimes I try to think when the last time I was truly happy was. And I can remember. and I can smile about it for lets say 10 seconds. Then in makes me a mixture of mad/sad. It feels like every breath I take, I am forcing myself to breath. My body wants to live, but my heart doesn't.
Its like nothing I do , is even closely good enough for myself. Let alone other people.
I liked it when I was boring. When I was just that guy on the sofa, watching tv, and smoking pot. The days where nothing else mattered but Rogers video, and Sobey's gummi candies. Everything was good then, and everything is shit now.
I haven't been this depressed since I was 15 years old.
I once tried to kill myself. Well that is a lie. I tried more then once. But this one time, I took all these tylenol thinking that a half bottle would kill me or something. It didn't do the job obviously. But the point is I tried right?
All the tylenol did was knock my ass out, and I am pretty sure that is the main cause behind my ulcer. But I will blame anyone for anything as I see it fit cause I am a fucking loser.
I have been squatting at my friends house for the past few days. As to make it seem that I am not living at my home anymore. Which I am basically not. I have to go back there for a few days, to get shit sorted out, and get ready to move into my new place.
I hate moving. I am 22 years old and I have moved 24 times. That's right, I have moved more times then years I have been alive.
Amber-licous
killed softly at 1/27/2005 10:26:00 AM
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Tuesday, January 25, 2005
This really sucks, I am looking all over the place on friends' computers for some pictures that I might have taken and sent to them. Having all your shit stolen really sucks the ball.
But there is nothing really I can do about it. I have still yet to return home, I cant even look at my room. It is totally tossed and makes me feel so fucking sick to my stomach, I feel so exposed/violated. I know I sound like a cheesy victim here, but once you have been robbed things aren't the same. My paranoia has hit all new highs. I am putting in security doors, and cameras all around my house now. I was going to but bars on the windows, but I didn't want to trap myself inside, in case of a fire.
I have a serious craving to smoke my hookah. I need some nice flavored tobacco, to calm down the thunderstorm that is my brain lately.
People sometimes ask me, "what goes on in that head of yours Angelo?" and I tell them:
"sometimes I think that myself" You see, I don't even know what I am thinking sometimes. My brain seems to have a mind of its own. Its like it thinks and thinks and thinks, about all these different things, and just as I am starting to understand the first thing it was thinking of I have already thought of 15 other ideas.
This is why I write everything down. My memory is basically non-existent, so my chicken scratch is the only thing I have to remind me of anything. Pictures can do the same job, looking at a picture always jogs my memory.
Why is it when I do a google search for something specific, google can never give me any solid results. Its really starting to piss me off; as I am trying to do some travel research on Costa Rica.
My eyes are killing me from the smoke and dryness in the air. Some visine would treat me good right now. I really need a hair cut, I cut my hair a month ago when I was in Montreal going a little bit hypo-. I cut the back and sides, then like an idiot cut the front. Now the front of my hair, is much, much shorter then the rest.
I can think of really cool things, then when I try to draw to draw or articulate them my brain turns off and I cant do anything.
I have 2001 things to write about right now, but cant seem to squish any of my ideas out. I need an adventure to entertain me.
someone be my adventure?
killed softly at 1/25/2005 09:16:00 AM
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Saturday, January 22, 2005
"Every act of creation is first of all an act of destruction."
This dude is a great artist.
We are just passing through Cornwall. The border where the French meets the English. Just about 1 hour outside of Montreal.
The drive here with 'the random' has turned out to be better then expected. She is nice and very cool. She would have too be to drive two random dudes, like Masta and I on a 5 hour journey to Montreal.
Its fucking freezing outside, at least -20 C I hate that. Though the sun is lighting the landscape beautifully, its a great treat for my eyes as I sit in the back seat.
102 KM Montreal
I wish I had a camera, I will have to buy one while I am here. A nice new digi should treat me right. I guess I could have brought my film camera with me but I figured that it would take up to much room in 'Suzy' the Suzuki. This car looks like a egg. A Easter egg blue in color.
Ange(the driver) is jealous of martina, and her friendship with Ali. I can tell, I know everything. I even called her on it, she denies it up and down. But I don believe that BS for a second. Her car eats gas. And now she is demanding to see what I am writing about "I supplied the paper and the pen, I demand to see what you are writing. Is it about me?" she asked insecurely.
what a cutie.
Yesterday I sneezed about 500-thousand times. It was really annoying I could not even have a convo with anyone.
MONTREAL 50KM
I wonder how many pages I can fill with endless babble.
I wanted to play that game where you write shit on paper and hold it up to passing cars.
there are rumors some people are totally prepared to play this game, even some with pre-written responses, to my witty insults like "you stink" and "I slept with your wife". I want to leave early on Sunday(my thoughts have totally changed on this issue)so I can play that game all afternoon on the ride home.
I have been here for a few hours now and I am wondering how long it is going to take me to transcribe all of this shit I have been writing all day. I have come into work with martina cause she was embarrassed to come into her work alone. As it seems, she got fairly wasted here on Wednesday night and was fairly sloppy and loose tongued. The people at her work are giving her a rough time for being so wasted. She has been apologizing to every person who passes. I personally think it is more embarrassing to apologize for stupid shit you did while drinking. Cause when you don" target="blank">Krista kinda looks like Ashley Simpson. That is HOT HOT HOT.
"Angelo is the coolest, rudest dude ever!"
-Martina.
killed softly at 1/22/2005 09:17:00 PM
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Friday, January 21, 2005
"Pedro offers you his protection"this is a old pic of me from some time near the end of the summer.
I am leaving for Montreal tomorrow, right in the wake of the biggest storm that is my life. Today was bad very bad. I don't know how else to describe it, I have never felt so helpless and guilty in my life.
I love Montreal.
I also love that embarrassing stories/pictures of masta make up like 90% of my blog now a days. Masta is a great guy, who always does great embarrassing stuff, that I find funny, and most people find stupid.
I swear they based the image of Mr.Dynamite on Masta. They look the fucking same. It gives me night terrors.
I am really not myself today, and am kinda going crazy.
Who likes to come home and see their brother tied up and gagged on the floor.?
killed softly at 1/21/2005 01:20:00 AM
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005
This is a picture of Chemo and I. I am currently giving him the finger, as well as kicking his ass at backgammon.
I like pizza and wings, sitting inside, watching all the suckers try to live their regular lives + snow, and its entertaining. I spend about 50% of my day doing that. The other time is usually spent in the front seat of a car driving, always driving. I personally don't have a license, and wont get one until I buy my first car, which is going to be a smart car because I know that they will never invent a car that runs off of a renewable resource. Fucking oil companies.
So it is Montreal again this weekend for me, I am driving out there with a complete random. She is a friend of a friend, and wanted some company on the long 5 hour drive to Montreal. Since I was headed in that direction anyway, I said I would join her. I have never met her, or even talked to her. Masta decided today he is coming with me, so its going to be an interesting ride for me and him, and a mind warping/traumatizing ride for the poor girl. I love driving to Montreal, and cant wait for the sexy party that awaits me.
"I knew the whole time, and it breaks my heart"
You Are A Liger!
Which Napoleon Dynamite Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
killed softly at 1/19/2005 11:51:00 PM
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Sunday, January 16, 2005
Absinthe Makes The Heart Grow FonderThat is my new Hookah. I really really love it. A friend of mine brought it back from Syria for me. It was a really great idea of him to do so, because I will smoke the shit outta this thing.
"I am Jacks writers block"
This weekend I went to guelph. Its pretty boring there, and not much to do. After a few minutes of convincing I got the serial drunk dialer, and finlayson to go and drink some absinthe for my entertainment. It was very nice of them to do such a thing, to drink for my enjoyment. They enjoyed it just as much as I, for they knew that I was overly jealous that they got to 'chase the green fairy' as I sat and supervised. What a strange occurrence of events unveiled that evening, or at least I think they did. My memory is seriously going on me. I think we went home and watched fight club. Now I feel even more like Tyler. Even my friends commented on how similar I am to that character.
Thursday night was one for the books. Its strange how a simple combination of 10 digits can make or break something. Thousands of phone calls are made everyday. Each one affecting someone somewhere. I don't want to think about that anymore cause it will make me totally and completed insane. So back to Thursday night. It started off as shit, then turned into the best party I have been too in a while. I went to some random bar in the bottom of some random hotel near the airport, and damn was that place jumping. I had a really fun time that is the just of it. I picked up two cougars upon walking in, and handed them to my gracious friend masta. He always loves a ladie or 2. or 4.
Last night I lost money, and tonite I am chilling with the coolest person in the whole friggin world. That's right. Coolest.
killed softly at 1/16/2005 09:44:00 PM
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Thursday, January 13, 2005
"Sorry! my other personality is in a bad mood today"Today i am in too mood to be musically inclined. I am going to play piano untill my fingers cramp and the strings become out of tune from me pounding it so hard. That reminds me, it is about time for my yearly piano tunnage. The guy who tunes my piano is this really old looking dude, who is very blind. Im serious, his glasses are like thicker then bulletproof glass. I guess its a good thing he is blind and not def.
Today i want to be sans pants. Its a fucking beautiful day here in southern ontario. The birds and sun are out(kinda) and i feel like being a total idiot and not doing anything about it at all.
Sometimes i wonder if i was gone if anyone would notice. Not gone like: "Angelo went and off'ed himself" but gone like on a plane to south-central america. I dont really think anyone would notice for like a week. As long as i kept updating on here , i dont think anyone would know i was gone. Until the clouds of pot smoked cleared and my friends noticed i wasnt sitting in the room with them still. But with that, i am sure they would just think i was on an extended munchie run, or off getting laid somewhere. what a bunch of pot heads.
PS. TINTEDPINK
killed softly at 1/13/2005 01:18:00 PM
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005
"I could tell my parents hated me as a kid. When I would take a bath the only toys they would let me play with were a toaster, and a radio."Yeah, I am back home now. Only now I realize how shit this town actually is. There is nothing to do here but sit, watch TV, and avoid people. Im starting to get really sick of this weather too. Fuck snow/rain. Make up your mind mother nature, either rain, or snow. No mix please. I am such a lazy fuck I don't even want to leave my house today. But I have too, so I will now. goodluck.
killed softly at 1/12/2005 01:23:00 PM
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005
alas, today i leave montreal, with nothing in my pockets but identification, and some pocketlint. As usual, this city has bled me compleatly dry.
dont get my wrong this city is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love every aspect about it, yes even the abundance of snow and slush they have on the streets. If someone can show me a canadian city with more culture i would be shocked and awed.
killed softly at 1/11/2005 02:58:00 PM
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Monday, January 10, 2005
"Saturday Nights Party was In-Tents! haha get it? IN....TENTS hahahah"Now after leaving the tent party, we all took an intermission at The James and The Gregs' Apartment to catch our breath, change our clothes, and decided which bar to invade, after some brief discussion we decided to just walk down to St Laurent and just let fate decide what is/was going to happen to us on this fabled night. We went to a few bars they were all to busy for my liking, so we ended up at the biggest dive in Montreal: Le Biftek I love this place. I don't know if it was the saloon style swing doors as you first walk in, or the endless amounts of free popcorn that grasped my heart, I had been here many times before, so I was glad to return. A very mixed crowd in this 2 level bar all there for the same reasons, ridiculously cheap booze, shitty music, and 3 year old pop corn. The second level is where I dwell, its just a better time up there I have found from experience. A few more friends show up with tickets to Circus which is the best after hours niteclub I have ever been too. O2 bars, VR, all this other crazzy bullshit that didn't really interest me. But the music was amazing, and the place looked very classy though it is a seedy after hours all night dance party. I ended up leaving there around 7 am, came home and crashed hard. Most of Sunday was a write off, spent it watching some American football while lying on the couch. Followed by a brief diner, and some popcorn at biftek, and ending with watching Mean Streets at 3 am.
As for this evening I am not sure what is in store. I know martina will be down for partying. Cause she is just a lil party machine. As for your narrator, I want to go home soon. I miss my TV, and my bed.
ps. I cut my own hair and it looks like shit and I am eating contraband cereal as I type this.
killed softly at 1/10/2005 01:45:00 PM
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Saturday, January 08, 2005
Lower Middle Class State Of Mind
My eyes have been open since 6 am, but I am just waking up right now, the exact time is 830 am. I am on a train, heading east, making all regular stops. En route to Montreal. I opted for first class, since I was hungry and wanted a free meal, a free meal that costs an extra $80, but I also get highspeed internet access which is pretty sweet if you ask me. Although I cant connect to blogger, hotmail, or MSN messenger. So right now I am writing in a word pad document. I was just served breakfast. I had the choice of some mushroom(puke) omelet, a bread souffle(I don't know what that is, but I got it anyway) and a fruit cocktail("gimme your cocktail, fruit"). The food was alright, its pretty much the same as airline food, cept you are eating it on the ground. The stupid via guy is sitting right behind me and his goddamn walkie talkie wont shut the fuck up. We are not aloud to play music, movies, or even have our cell phones on anything more the vibrate. Yet I have to sit here and listen to this guy chat about cats with his life partner on the other end of the walkie talkie.
Im going to say something, I am going to stand up for my rights as a passenger of this train, and I am going to ask him to turn down the noise.
Ok, I didn't do it, im a wimp, I walked right by him and into the bathroom to wash my hands. I did shoot him a dirty look as I passed though. I was stupid when I though first class would be that much better. We are just at the front of the train, if anything I find this worse. If we crash with another train, we are toast for sure, as for the people a few trains back in economy, I am sure their lives would be saved.
In the train station they have this elitist lounge for the Via1(first class) passengers. I went in for a bit to check it out. Pretty cool they had TV's and free drinks everywhere. I wonder if it was past 12 if they would be serving booze. I am pretty sure the women across the isle from me is sipping on some white wine, but you never know. I don't really want to ask her about it though kinda embarrassing. Envision this:
"excuse me miss?"
"yeah what do you want?"
"well I was wondering if that was white wine you are drinking, or if you know if they are serving alcohol on the train?"
at this point it could go one of 2 ways
1) "yes it is white wine, would you like a sip"
or
2)"no this is you apple juice you fool".
As you can tell, I play out every single situation in my head before acting upon anything. I guess that makes me the most paranoid( or is it prepared?) person on the planet.
The seats in front of me, and behind me are not taken, I really hope that it stays this way for the rest of the voyage, I am about 3 hours outside of Montreal, and about to take a nap, check you on the flip
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Ok naps over, im here in montreal, at my ever giving friends' house the james and greg(worst gramatical sentance in history).
so we are chilling playing some videogames, decieded what to do with our meager existances.
party time in montreal.
killed softly at 1/08/2005 03:28:00 PM
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Friday, January 07, 2005
GSUSKING@GMAIL.COM,
I will forward all the emails to masta, he will respond, cause honestly he doesn't have anything better to do other then to get naked and respond to emails.
It seems every time booze enters any of my friends orifices, they seem to like to get naked, even though it is like -10 C outside, they still get naked.
Since I thought this site was getting a little too homo-erotic here is a pic to prove that we were actually with girls at some point last night. I don't want you all to think its me and my buddies sittin around getting nude for each other. I think Masta would do anything to impress a girl. But I tried to explain to him, that his package best remain hidden if he plans on impressing anyone.You can even see me lurking in the background of this picture, I believe I was baking cookies at that point last night.Any time drinking games are played at masta's house you know that shit is about to get crazy. The most entertaining nights of my life have been spent sitting on the leather couch watching for something hilarious to happen
So I joined this thing last night while I was randomly surfing the internet. Its called Blogladder or something.
Its like a forum/blog. I dont really remember signing up or even writing anything for that matter. People should go and check it out, then report back to me, and let me know if it is worth me wasting my time. Thank you.
killed softly at 1/07/2005 01:30:00 PM
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Thursday, January 06, 2005
Tomorrow is my brothers bday, the 7th of January, he will be 21. ohhh to be 21 again, that would be just great. I remember it being much colder last year around his bday, we all went to system soundbar, before they did the renovation there, my bro and I offered girls Sicilian kiss', and both got really bombed listening to drum and bass. It was one of the first times that my bro and I had gone out together, fuck, I just remembered doing a fair amount of blow that night too..Remember that? It was all cold outside, I had to wear a winter jacket. Fuck that sucked, winter sucks, I am very tired of the cold weather/snow and wind.
I went out to this Mexican restaurant tonight with a couple of friends, the place was very backed-up(haha) as they only had one server working for like 20 tables. We waited a long time for our drinks, and even longer for our food. The food = shit. I would have rather eaten a buffet in Mexico, then eat the food made at this supposed 'nice' restaurant. The Fried ice cream almost, I said ALMOST made up for the shitty food. But it really didn't. My stomach is killing me right now, I should have known not to trust my friend Morgan(her taste buds have downsyndrom). I know this is a strong statement, but I think I can safely say "I hate Mexico" (I didn't say Mexicans). But I love "fried ice cream" with some butterscotch please.
Watched Sean of the Dead tonight, with the supposed friends who took me to: said Mexican restaurant(I used that term loosely). It was great, totally everything I was suspecting, a little bit of gore, mixed with the almost perfect timing of British whit, is a recipe for a great movie.
I want a drum machine, will someone buy me one please?
killed softly at 1/06/2005 01:21:00 AM
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