This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

Gsusking-At-gmail.com

angeloisking-At-hotmail.com

Thursday, January 27, 2005

"my social skills are lacking"



Why the fuck am I so sad?
Wat the fuck is this bullshit. I see people everywhere, happy, fun yelling for good things. Scorning the bad.
I want to be happy again. It isn't fair, that someone who does things like I do, is unhappy all the time.
Sometimes I try to think when the last time I was truly happy was. And I can remember. and I can smile about it for lets say 10 seconds. Then in makes me a mixture of mad/sad. It feels like every breath I take, I am forcing myself to breath. My body wants to live, but my heart doesn't.
Its like nothing I do , is even closely good enough for myself. Let alone other people.



I liked it when I was boring. When I was just that guy on the sofa, watching tv, and smoking pot. The days where nothing else mattered but Rogers video, and Sobey's gummi candies. Everything was good then, and everything is shit now.
I haven't been this depressed since I was 15 years old.
I once tried to kill myself. Well that is a lie. I tried more then once. But this one time, I took all these tylenol thinking that a half bottle would kill me or something. It didn't do the job obviously. But the point is I tried right?
All the tylenol did was knock my ass out, and I am pretty sure that is the main cause behind my ulcer. But I will blame anyone for anything as I see it fit cause I am a fucking loser.
I have been squatting at my friends house for the past few days. As to make it seem that I am not living at my home anymore. Which I am basically not. I have to go back there for a few days, to get shit sorted out, and get ready to move into my new place.
I hate moving. I am 22 years old and I have moved 24 times. That's right, I have moved more times then years I have been alive.

Amber-licous

killed softly at 1/27/2005 10:26:00 AM
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