This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

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Tuesday, May 31, 2005



When I first wake up in the morning, I am like a robot, programmed smoke endless amounts of cigarettes. I wake up, roll over, and begin to look for the smoke pack I so easily dismissed last night. I sometimes misplace my pack of smokes, and have no clue where I have thrown it. Its sometimes quite intense, you don't want to get in my way before I have had my morning cig(s).



Once I smoke the first smoke of the day, I become much more relaxed, and my brain starts to function again. I then ponder as to what I want to post about today, while sneezing about 15 times, since it seems to be allergy season for me.



I am the type of person who holds their sneezes in, and it makes me sound like a mouse. I did it the other day, and someone told me that I am going to make my sinus' explode if I don't let my sneezes out. I don't really know why I keep them in. I think it is because as a child I found sneezing very embarrassing and messy. So I made a habit back when I was 6 that still has not been broken to this day.

Next time I sneeze(which will be probably about 207 times before I finish this post) I will try to let it out, in all its glory. Covering my keyboard mouse and monitor in a equal mixture of saliva and snot.

killed softly at 5/31/2005 10:00:00 AM
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Monday, May 30, 2005



So it has been a while since Masta's wonderful self, has graced us on this blog. Well there he is, he is doing well living up north. Less distractions, and people to convince him to get all fucked up. He is holding down his job well. Personally I am surprised that he hasn't been fired yet. He loves selling coke(in bottles, not bags) to the masses up north. He loves telling people he is a coke dealer. What an idiot.



I went out in the city with martina and her sister on Friday night. Greg was there too, but he was bitter or something, cause he left early to sleep. We went to madbar, and Nicole(martity's sister) got loaded. On the way home Nicole punched me in the face and made me bleed. So I tossed her around like a rag doll. What a night.



I was asked today, if I take all the pictures on my blog. The answer is YES. Unless it is otherwise stated, or totally over obvious, I have taken every picture on this site. Hey O.

killed softly at 5/30/2005 10:13:00 AM
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Saturday, May 28, 2005



There is this girl i know. She is very smart, sexy and beautiful. She is everymans dream, which is why i think her Ex-bf is gay. He must be to throw away such a beautiful women, without any reason.

I had an amazing night last night, i didnt think it was possible to have that much fun in one night, but i guess that it is. I hope to have just as much fun, if not more fun tonight on the boat cruise.

I really have nothing to write about today. my brain is so not working.

killed softly at 5/28/2005 11:18:00 AM
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Friday, May 27, 2005



Ever since I was an early teen, I have had this conceded idea that a camera man, rather camera crew should follow me around where ever I go. I don't really remember what started this idea, but I think it had something to do with the movie Kids.



Last night, some asshole who thought he was hot shit, pushed over the news paper boxes, onto my friends car. My friend being the older man that sits in front of the bar every night for company. I really, really, really wanted to kick the dudes ass. He played it off like he did nothing, and acted all tough. The bartenders had to hold me back from eating him. I just cant fathom taking shit from a drunk jock asshole. My friends were not very impressed by him ever. The dude was so drunk he probably wont remember what I look like, or why I am so mad at him. And next time I see him, I am going to lay him down like Sunday dinner.



The Boat cruise is quickly approaching, if any of you in the GTA, want to come on a mega fun boat cruise party this Saturday, email me TODAY. I have a few tickets left that must be sold TODAY. Its gonna be a great time. You have my word on that.
Also the DVD release is next week. It promises to be a great time. If any of you want to see my lame acting skills, you will have to buy the DVD when it comes out to a store near you. Im sure it will be able to be bought by, next Saturday, and will be in stores by wakestock. Which is in Toronto, how fucking awesome is that? The party just seems to always come to me. This is the key to laziness.

I have a feeling that this weekend is going to be a great time, I love the first weekend where the weather is actually really warm. The question is, what to do tonight?

killed softly at 5/27/2005 09:31:00 AM
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Wednesday, May 25, 2005



Being in love sucks. I think I have been in love a few times. But you can never really be sure if it was actually love. Its like I am always waiting for something better to come along. Not just a better person, but a better feeling, a better way to live, a better world.



Love as an emotion is equally as confusing as hate. Both on opposite ends of the spectrum, yet both very similar in many ways. Both filled with endless passion, fights, and death. Its really sad. Knowing while you love someone, that someday, you will probably hate them.



I am not exactly sure where I was going with this. But I lost all inspiration.

killed softly at 5/25/2005 10:27:00 AM
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005



I am a man of constant sorrow
I have seen trouble all my days
I bid farewell to old Kentucky
The State where I was born and raised



For six long years I've been in trouble
No pleasure here on earth I've found
For in this world I'm bound to travel
I have no friends to help me now



You may bury me in some deep valley
For many years where I may lay
Then you may learn to love another
While I am sleeping in my grave



Maybe your friends think I'm just a stranger
My face you'll never see no more
But there is one promise that is given
I'll meet you on God's golden shore

killed softly at 5/24/2005 10:48:00 AM
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Saturday, May 21, 2005

I really want to have a new template made for this blog. If any of you out there know any thing about HTML, please make me a new template.
So it is May 24 weekend, and it is beautiful in the GTA today. I really want to go up north, but i must be back for tomorow night, which makes the 2 hour drive seem kind of pointless. But i really want to go. Really really badly. I cant seem to contact any of my 100 friends that are right now, probably drinking and jetsking, and doing stupid cottage shit.
well. i am off to find some friends.
catch you all on the sippy ty.

killed softly at 5/21/2005 11:49:00 AM
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Wednesday, May 18, 2005



When I was a kid(12-18, there was not much to be done in this city. So my friends and I would hang out at the local strip mall after school was finished. We would sit, shoulder tap for cigarettes, and beer. On the weekends we would drop acid, and harass mall patrons, until the cops would arrive. My friends and I were very territorial of this mall, if any other group of kids came and tried to hang out there, we would chase them away with threats of violence. This is how I originally met my friend The James. I think I was trying to steal his pizza, or something equally as nominal. You see, he and his friends were a year younger then me, and were always hanging out at my mall. I didn't like this, so when I saw them, I would try to steal their pizza, cigarettes, and drugs. I am trying to remember exactly how that day evolved. I believe James and his friends began to stand up to the Iron fist that was me and my friends. I then wanted to fight James to prove that there could only be one gang of kids at the mall. I followed him home, talking shit about his mom, dad, dog, and whatever else 15 year old kids make fun of. I tried to fight him, but it was to no avail. I just walked away, thinking "damn I hate that kid". When I really didn't hate him, or really have a reason to fight him. It was just something to do.



My whole teenaged life was basically spent at this mall. It got so over run with our kiddie gang, that they had to hire Rent-A-Cops to come and make sure we weren't there fucking with people, and just hanging around. By this time, my gang of friends, had become buddies with James gang of friends. So we were a super elite mall kids gang. The Mall Cops were just an extra dose of entertainment for us. We would drop Acid on a Friday night and wait for them to start there shift. We would try to time it as so when we were just peaking on our acid, the dudes would start their shift and come and tell us to leave. This is when the shit hit the fan. We would harass the shit outta them, from one end of the mall to the other. We would be so fucked, we would just walk into the grocery store grab eggs from cartons, or tomatoes right off the rack, then walk out and just sit there and throw them at the rent-a-cops. They were not impressed by this, but there would be so many of us 15/14 year olds, that they really could do nothing to stop us. If they tried to fight us, we would be so fucked up on the acid, we would just laugh, and mimic them as we watched the trees melt into
the sky.



After a while, I think the property manager realized that we were:
A) the mall cops were not accomplishing anything
B) us kids were far to fucked up to be messed with
because, one day they just stopped coming. I guess we had grown up, not needing to use the mall as a crutch of excitement.
I miss those days. Totally care free in a acid haze.



I hear that they have new mall cops now though, to deal with the new gang of kids. But supposedly these are mall super cops and not to be fucked with. The little boy in me wants to drop a few hits, hop on my bike and go see how super these Rent-A-Cops can be.

killed softly at 5/18/2005 10:43:00 AM
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Tuesday, May 17, 2005



The show Popcultured With Elvira Kurt, is actually killing me. She is the most annoying bull-dyke comedienne i have ever had the dismay of watching. Her show is such a rip off of that show that used to be on E! with Aisha Tyler, Talk Soup. That show was the best show ever.


These two people look all happy and in love, but really i snapped this shot immediatly after this guy fully punched this chick in the face. She had blood everywhere, and the dude tried to break my camera. so i ran away.

I made a cameo in a DVD this weekend. I really cant wait for the Release party, i am thinking i will be drinking that night. The Media Ninja showed me all these cool tricks on his G5, since i am in the market for G5 it was nice to for someone to show me some ins and outs. I am talking on the phone to my friend Mr. Riddell, he is in england with my friend Hendo. I miss those two soo much. Road trip. England.

killed softly at 5/17/2005 12:37:00 PM
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Friday, May 13, 2005



Have you ever felt inspired? It is a strange feeling brought on by many different variables, for many different reasons. I have been totally inspired today. For all of you who don't know, which is probably everyone. I am not a highschool grad. Yap I know its weak. I accomplish so much everyday, but I do not even have a high school equivalence. To be totally honest with you, it really has never bothered me, and you know what? It still doesn't bother me. Some people who know me well like to poke fun at me "what do you know?" they ask "you haven't even graduated highschool yet!!"
my usual reply is "har har, you are so funny, yes lets make fun of the invalid. har har"



But internally I am like "while you were working your ass off in school for good marks, I was organizing student walk outs, causing shit, and main lining every known 'upper, downer and inbetweener' into the underground drug realm of highschool. Doing this kept the administration on their toes, so all of you 51% students could squeak right through."
My first highschool seemed to like kicking me out. They got some perverse pleasure from kicking me out right before exams started. The first time they pulled this stunt, I was in Gr.10, I had just organized a 'student walk out' to fight for teachers right to teach. A fair amount of people walked right out of class to support their teachers/get stoned. The Administration did not like this, they all came outside, with their mega-phone, demanding that "People return to their classrooms or suspensions would be handed out" These threats didn't seem to work so they handed me the mega-phone and told me "get these people inside or you will seriously regret it"
I took the mega-phone held it up to my lips and chanted "hell no, we wont go" and led the students on a march towards downtown Oak-chill.



Come to think of it, I seriously regret doing that now.
Exams were in a month, I was riding a 79% average, and they kicked me out.
I left the office slamming everydoor I could on the way out, cursing the administration to anyone who would listen, and vowing never to return.
I took the time I had off and used it to further my reading/drug habits. My vacation continued into the next semester and through summer, after which I returned to highschool. I was not proud, I was actually pissed off, but my parents forced me to return to the same school that I had cursed and hated for the past 6 months.
I went through my semester, never changing any of my routines, or patterns. I obtained great marks, but this still wasn't enough for the Administration, they wanted to see me fail, they loved it. They did the same thing to me again, I was removed 1 month before exams. I said "fuck this! I am going to new school."
So I transferred highschool's. I was now at a catholic school where I obtained honor roll in my first semester there. Bio, English, math and world religions. I felt like a new man. A man with highschool credits. I took that summer to celebrate, what a celebration that was.
After the summer I returned back to the catholic highschool to tear through some more courses. But of course, I fucked up. A week into the semester this dude was fighting my brother. I walked up, threw my bro down, and knocked the guys teeth out. Needless to say, I was the kicked out of that school.
This discouraged the shit outta me. I never wanted to see the inside of a class room again.
until now. Now I have been inspired by the spirit of my dead grandmother that haunts my dreams. Telling me that I am a disappointment. So now I must return to highschool( or a highschool like substance) and get my equivalence. So i am off too book my G.E.D test(that is what highschool equivalence is called in canada eh).
thank god for insparation.

PS. this post was way better the first time i wrote it. but blogger sucks and fucking lost it somewhere in the internet.

killed softly at 5/13/2005 09:35:00 AM
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Thursday, May 12, 2005



So there is this dude, that sits in front of a local bar every night in his car. He just sits there and watches people as he smokes cigs and drinks coffee. He is an older man, I believe that is just lonely. He never leaves his car, and really never offers more then a friendly wave. My friend Trish is very interested in this man. To the point where she was crying when I told her this story I told you, as we passed him on the street. She wants me to talk to him, and interview him. Im sure he wont mind. So when I find the time, and I am at the pub, I promise Trish I will talk to him for you.



Other then that, there is really nothing to report, other then my friend moving to China, and my other friend getting sent up the river for 3-5 for something he didn't do. We have a really BS justice system here in Canada.

killed softly at 5/12/2005 10:58:00 AM
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Monday, May 09, 2005

'so get this right.
i says to the guy. get this. so i says to him. so i says. so i says'



So sometime last week I lost my beloved hat. I really cant seem to find the bitch anywhere. I really love my hat. I invented it. Totally and completely.
challenge me. I dare you. That is beside the point. The point is: I have been driving myself totally insane looking for this green piece of fabric. O well.



Another successfully party was hosted at mod club on Saturday. I have to send out some serious love to our ever gracious host Paul. This man really knows how to treat his friends. I almost feel guilty. But then I don't. Ha.



I went to systems on Saturday night. O boy was that a mistake. Well my body is telling me it was a mistake, and has been since yesterday. But my mind is like "fucking right, I could do that all over again right now". My body just induced vomiting as I thought about that. I always wondered what would happen if your brain got in a fight with your body.

killed softly at 5/09/2005 11:06:00 AM
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Saturday, May 07, 2005

it is everyones bday today. or it is pretty damn close. i know 4 people, and its all of their birthdays today.
thats quite the coincidence.


It's C-Bears bday today. He is pictured above. c bear is the man.

killed softly at 5/07/2005 02:43:00 PM
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Friday, May 06, 2005



My friends came in today from a late night bender. They all woke me up when they came in. Now they are all snoring around me, and I totally cant get back to sleep.
How weak is that?
I am really thirsty. This apartment is really nice, and really expensive. But the air is so f'n dry its killin me.
Its a beautiful day out. I want to go and dance in alleys, and on rooftops. I can feel summer in the air.
I think I went to every bar in the city last night. Its nights like these that make me regret lending my camera to my father. The sun looks like it will be in full effect this afternoon. Causing copious amounts of booze to be guzzled on patios everywhere.
So I wanted to get back to basics. Normal things. Fun things. I want to fall in to my old habits. I see it. I want it. im gonna do it. I know I am. The question is . Just how long till it happens?
You know what they say. Old habits.... Are awesome.
speaking of which I really need a sig. Not a signal
but a sigarette. Yeah that's right I spell it with a 's'
I like it better that way.
what do you care any way. Your mind still reads it and interpreted it as the same word.
cigarette, sigarette. See douchebag, I told yah.
strange how automatically assuming our minds our. We see something familiar and just assume that it is the same.
I wonder what it would be like if we could use 50% of our brains, as opposed to 12%.

killed softly at 5/06/2005 10:53:00 AM
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Wednesday, May 04, 2005

When you can't hear, things look very different


There are a bunch of movies(2) that I want to see, but I can't cause Rogers video is shit and they don't carry good movies. I went in there last night looking for "Old Boy" or "Its all gone, Pete Tong" two movies that I would really really really love to see.
I asked the girl about them. She said she had never heard of them, I then went on to explain both, while trying to convince her, to convince her boss to get these movies for me.
"Even if I have to buy them" I exclaimed.
She thought it was funny how gung-ho I was about these two films.
Instead I rented I(heart)Huckabee's. Which to the dismay and retardness of other peoples opinions is a great movie. You just have to watch it more then once, and you can realize how funny it actually is.
The same thing goes for The Life aquatic. I think I am in love with the soundtrack for that movie. That brown guy singing all those songs rocks my world.




"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."

killed softly at 5/04/2005 11:24:00 AM
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Sunday, May 01, 2005



My adventure in Montreal went extremely well. I did everything I expected to do, and a bit more. It rained everyday I was there, which on some levels is a downer, but I learned to deal with it after the first few days.



When I first arrived, Sean and Batman took me to this Swiss restaurant where I had Fondue. I think cheese fondue could possibly be the worst tasting/smelling thing on the planet. They ate a huge bucket of the shit. I opted for meat fondue, which involved cooking pieces of beef tenderloin in hot oil. I really enjoyed that meal.



The dizzee rascal concert on Wednesday evening was amazing. There were 1000+ people there, which I totally wasn't expecting. I guess Dizzee has a bigger following in Montreal then I originally thought. Montreal has an amazing live music scene. I went to an amazing Jazz bar last night, though I missed the whole set, im sure the music was just as good as the bar itself.



I have to once again send a shout-out to my ever gracious host's: Greg, and The James. Their never-ending hospitality never ceases to amaze me. James' brother and his friend came up for the weekend and added another demention to my adventure. The weggie fights at 4 am were ever entertaining.



I went to an after hours club on Friday night and danced the night away. Its strange because those places are so dark I didn't realize it was 7 am until I checked the time on my cell phone. Greg and I then left feeling like the most sketchy people on the planet. So we went by martina's house to try and wake her up. I don't even think we knocked at her door.



It was Michelle's birthday on Thursday, we went to Orchid and bought a few bottles of vodka. I danced and danced, had a really great time. Martina fell quite a few times but I caught her. Well I caught her once, but hey 1/3 isn't that bad. She has a bruise the size of a fist on her ass from falling on a table, or something equally as hard.



Amber's party went off with-out a hitch. I am sure that she enjoyed herself. She came by on Friday morning and woke me up. We smoked a joint, shot the shit and relaxed, as she had just finished her last exam of the year. I then went to OAP, im not really sure what that stands for, but it was basically a big bbq and drink fest that started at 12 noon on Friday @ the McGill campus.



I left late this after noon with Greg, Liam and Stef. I slept for a really long time, which was amazing because I didn't go to bed before 6 am once this week. The drive home from Montreal is very boring. What sucks even more is that for the 5 hour ride my cell phone doesn't seem to work. Stupid Fido. I know I am probably forgetting a bunch of stuff. But it will come to me tonight in my dreams.



P.S An extra special congrats to my friends Phil and Brooke for getting engaged.

killed softly at 5/01/2005 10:48:00 PM
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