This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

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Tuesday, June 21, 2005



Sometimes my life is so eventful, that it seems uneventful.
Usually while I sit here, I bang my head off my monitor, trying to think of something to write. But today I am just going to let it flow, from the front of my brain, right through my shoulders, down my arms, and through my fingers. Today, I feel like I am free.



The constant cloud of confusion, that has seemed to float around my head forever is now gone. I have a feeling of being. Almost a feeling of a human being. On the bad days I used to think I wasn't human, I'd think that I was an alien, or some sort of the second coming of Christ. I was an unhealthy, and unstable boy.

Though I don't believe in God, or Jesus for that matter. I still believed that I was him. Could it have been the years of religion class hammered into my head/heart, that made me feel like there was an actual God, and that just maybe, I was gods gift to the world. Talk about delusions of grandeur.



I had done too much acid as a young teen. I think that is where most of these thoughts had come from. I abused my mind, body, and soul to the point of delusion. It totally warped me and my latter teen years. I think it probably fucked with me until now, when I had this ultra realization that: "I aint shit". Which I am not, I am just a speck of dust on this lint trap we call life. But as insignificant as we seem, we all have the power to make a difference in this world, but the problem, is that none of us believe in ourselves enough to realize how much power we actually hold. I shutter when I think about what I could have accomplished if I had stayed away from drugs, and the lifestyle that they bring. I am so accustomed to getting what I want, when I want. I believe that I have spoiled myself rotten.

killed softly at 6/21/2005 11:42:00 AM
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