This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Fitter
Happier
More productive
Comfortable
Not drinking too much
Regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week)
Getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries
At ease
Eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats)
A patient better driver
A safer car (baby smiling in back seat)
Sleeping well (no bad dreams)
No paranoia
Careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole)
Keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then)
Will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in wall)
Favors for favors
Fond but not in love
Charity standing orders
On sundays ring road supermarket
(No killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants)
Car wash (also on sundays)
No longer afraid of the dark
Or midday shadows
Nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate
Nothing so childish
At a better pace
Slower and more calculated
No chance of escape
Now self-employed
Concerned (but powerless)
An empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism)
Will not cry in public
Less hance of illness
Tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat)
A good memory
Still cries at a good film
Still kisses with saliva
No longer empty and frantic
Like a cat
Tied to a stick
That's driven into frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness)
Calm
Fitter, healthier and more productive
A pig
In a cage
On antibiotics

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Friday, July 29, 2005

Sometimes when you hear things and these things make you sad, you want to smash the shit outta the source of the noise that is bothering you. Be it a speaker of a stereo, or a mouth of an annoying person. The noise must be stopped.
Some people I know are so pretentious, that it just makes me want to leave this fucking city. I want to live in a fucking cabin in the forrest, where I will have no outside sources of bullshit.

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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

here I am, trying to squeeze one last post out before I head off to the land of no TV, and no internet. That's right, I am going up north for the second time this week. I am casting off the shackles of this city, to celebrate in the open smog free air.
When I return I will be a changed man(ill have a tan), and will have a lot of pictures to showcase for you all.
That is unless we get into a car accident on the way up.

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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

The door to my soul, now has a 'welcome mat'

Today I am just going to post some pictures cause I am far to lazy to do anything else.

Martina, if you are reading this: "Pick a few pictures from here and email me!!! ok?"



















That is a really cool self portrait I did using a mirror at a bar in Montreal.

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Monday, July 25, 2005

Montreal took a lot out of me. I have wanted to do nothing but sleep since my return, but it has been a non-stop party since I have gotten home. I really want to go back to Montreal right now, and sit in the sun on a roof top, while trying to speak French and drinking sangria.


this is Mr.biddell


This is my friend Sean. It was his bday.

so this weekend my friend Mr. Biddell returned from his travels of Australia and Europe. It was great to see him after almost a year. We went up north to party for Seans birthday. It was great. You cant ask for much more. When you got a cottage, a lake, a boat, and a keg. It seems like nothing can go wrong. Unless of course you get stung 3 times by hornets. I fucking hate hornets. I could kill em all, but then they would sting me.



I was going to make this a really long post. But I am not In the mood for it. I have a lot too do. I have been on vacation for almost 12 days now. I feel like I have not done anything productive that whole time. So now is the time to be productive. Must break free from blog, and powerful addictive qualities.

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Friday, July 22, 2005

As some of you have assumed my weekend trip to Montreal lasted a week. I love that city so much I find it hard to drag myself away from it. it was a very eventful trip. Most of the days were wasted away sleeping off the hangover from the night before. I really remember why I quit drinking last year. Though I do enjoy being wasted.
I just don't enjoy the unfun parts of it. Over this past year I have learned to have fun without external stimulants. Life now seems easier.
Ok so back to Montreal.
What a fucking great city. I didn't arrive until extremely late on Friday night/Saturday morning. 3 am to be exact. Just in time
to watch the Friday night drinking crowds empty into the streets. It was extremely hot in martina's Apt. So I went to Squat at The James' and Gregs Apt. With Brian, who has been squatting there for the whole summer. When I got there a party broke out, all the neighbor's were playing drunken games. I felt as if I walked in on a
episode of friends. This was the beginning of a trend this week, a trend that consisted of partying until well after the sun rose.
Saturday consisted of me getting really drunk. It all started with a few bottles of wolf blass yellow label, and a 26 of vodka
I met up with Amber and Vera, those crazy cats, some cute Asian girl and Ambers boyfriend was there too.
Though I don't really remember much from this night, I remember partying with them.
I then took them too Upstairs, which is a great jazz bar in Montreal. And unlike its name, it is downstairs.
I was so wasted I couldn't go in. So I sat on the Patio, and began to talk with the table of 3 next to me. It turns out I was sitting next to the consulate General of Panama. He was a nice man, very jolly, almost like St. Nick.
The smell of his cigar smoke turned my stomach. I then went inside and disturbed the band. The waitress asked me to leave, but I just bought her a martini instead.
(this is the part of the night I don't remember so I am telling it as it was told to me)I then went to lodge to visit my friend martina. Danced to reggae, then ate poutine, then went back to martina's apartment. I then puked in her sink. Then martina puked. It was great.
I then god kidnapped and dragged to after hours, where I danced to really shitty music until about 7 am.

I will write about Sunday through Thursday tomorrow.
for now, I leave you with these.








and this.



if you have been rejected many times in your life, the one more rejection isnt going to make much difference. If you're rejected don't automatically assume its your fault. The other person may have several reasons for not doing what you are asking her to do none of it may have anything to do with you perhaps the person is busy, or not feeling well, or is genuinely not interested in spending time with you.
rejectections are part of everyday life don't let them bother you keep reaching out to others. Keep reaching out to others. When you begin to receive posititve responses the you are on the right track its all a matter of numbers.
count the positive responses and forget about the rejections.

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Friday, July 15, 2005

"I once shared a flat with Nina Hagen for 2 years and she used to make pizzas out of dead cats"



so the day has come. I am finally making my triumphant return to Montreal. Though I am not leaving Toronto until 6 pm. Which means I wont be in Montreal until about midnight. But really what good party starts before midnight, and before I get there for that matter. I love the ride to Montreal. I am not really sure why, there isn't much to see or do. Stopping in Kingston reminds me of one of my ex-girlfriends. She moved to Kingston after highschool to goto college there. I used to visit her quite frequently, though it was against the best wishes of my wallet. We eventually broke up like most couples do, and ever since then, Kingston has always reminded me of her.



I have always wanted to stop at the 1000 island Casino as well. Its like I have some hair brained idea to double my money on the way into Montreal, so that my party there will be twice as good expensive. Don't ever goto the Montreal Casino though, cause I swear they cheat like dogs in that place.



I don't really have anything entertaining to write about, be expecting loads of pictures from my trip. Cause basically all I do in Montreal is take pictures. Well that and party until the birds start to chirp.

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Thursday, July 14, 2005

Jenny had some TP stuck to her shoe as we left the club last night. I began to laugh really hard at her, cause she was drunk, and trying to heckle me about something. I then pointed to her shoe and said "nice TP. LOSER" she then realized that she shouldn't have been heckling anyone while she had TP stuck to her foot. We then went to rabba, where jenny was obsessed with getting a HD(hotdog) from one of the street meat vendors.



Jen and I speak to each other using only the first letters of the words we are about to say. For example "Hey J, Im coming by to S in your P." (S=swim, P=pool). Sometimes we take it way to far. To the point where we are just yelling letters at one another not even knowing what each other is saying.
We tried to find a word to use with every letter of the alphabet. But letters like F have too many uses. Fuck, Fat, Free, and a whole menagerie of others...
So we gave up on the alphabet idea. But if you ever see a hot blonde girl yelling and screaming letters at people, while having TP stuck to her shoe, don't think she is retarded. She is just my good friend Jen.

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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Yesterday I tried to quit smoking with a friend of mine. I fail miserably. I need to slip into some sort of comma to be able to kick this disgusting habit. I cant really believe that it could be so addictive.



Today I am actually going to Home Hardware, or Sears, or somewhere that sells kiddie pools. Cause I need a pool really bad. And I figure, how much different is a kiddie pool to a regular pool. If anything a kiddie pool is better cause there is little/no chlorine in the water to burn my sensitive eyes/skin/hair. Also I want to feel like Billy Madison. Where I can just lay in a pool and tan all day. Its so much easier to tan when you are kept cool by constant flowing water.



Speaking of hair, I am in desperate need of a mop chop. I don't know if I should just buzz it all off. Or if I should keep something for the ladies to hold on too.??
I am lost today.
or at least I feel lost.

How would everyone out there like a free cd?
I bet you would like one wouldnt you, yes i am talking to you, you faceless person who right now is reading these words. I am talking about a totally free CD. No strings attached. Give a click on the link below. You can have a Listen to this free CD. And if you like it you can download it.
THIS IS COMPLIMENTS OF ENEMEE AND SEAN C. Enjoy.



And since i love all of you out there way too much. Here is the track listing. So Dont have to email me to ask me what the names of the songs are. Its a great CD. SO ENJOY.

1. Bubble Riddim - Sean C
2. Wot u call it? - Wiley
3. Chorus! - Crissy Criss & fumin
4. Sing along (remix) - Crazy Titch
5. Bring Arms Out - Kano Feat. Demon
6. Stand up tall - Dizzee Rascal
7. Womans World - Shystie
8. Bounce - Roll Deep Crew
9. Forward Riddim - Lethal Bizzle Feat. Fumin, napper, demon, d double
10. Forward Riddim (remix) - Lethal B Feat Kardinal Official
11. Cock Back - Nasty Crew Feat. Crazy Titch
12. Pick yourself up - Wiley
13. Creeper Hoe - Danny Weed
14. Madness - Fumin, Crissy Criss & Dfrnt
15. Hype Hype - Flirta D Feat. Van Damage
16. Cheeky Remix - Lady Sovereign
17. When I'm Ere - Roll Deep Crew
18. Reload - Kano Feat. D Double E & Demon
19. Fit But you Know it - The Streets
20. Blam - Crissy Criss
21. Skit - Enemee & Sean C
22. Beat The Witness (Secret Dnb Track) - Target

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Monday, July 11, 2005

Last night i sat on a roof top till really really late. and talked about strange things like the begining of the internet.
Another entertaining night in the life of me.



This weekend i layed by the lake and talked loads of shit. And i barely remember even being there. I also scored a new belt. Score.

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Thursday, July 07, 2005

Fucking Terrorists.



I am really starting to get mad about this "terror" shit. I dont want to be scared to go into the city. But right now i am. This is some bull shit. I am not scared of anything(excluding heights, and dying alone). But i am scared to go out, and live my life. I dont think so terror massive.
Im going out.
Im gonna work.
Im gonna take pictures.
and you aint gonna blow up no more shit.

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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Today I feel like a big bag of depression with a Mellon collie side salad. I am not sure why though, usually in summer I am pretty cool, calm and collected. Wait a minute, no im not. Im usually some nutbar you would see walking down the street talking to himself. But today I feel very introverted. The sun shining through my blinds is like a neglected invitation to go outside and enjoy the heat. But today I don't even want to leave my bed. I don't really know how I am writing a post right now. I guess I believe that this blog has some super power for making me feel less depressed. When ever I write on here I cant help but think about stupid things. I think to last year. To the date. I think I was totally loopy and insane. I couldn't even handle walking down the street with out a total deconstructing mental/emotional breakdown. I wonder what was wrong with me. I wonder what IS wrong with me.



I have never felt the need to seek help with the problems that seem to arise in my brain every day. Its nothing too serious. Just thoughts, that randomly pop into my head, that seem to make me think forever, its like a spider web. I think of one thing, and then it links off to 10000's of other things. Almost like a person reading a blog. My ideas span such a large web, that I am scared that it will never end, and I will eventually drive myself to hospitalization if I just don't stop thinking.

Think about it.
I dare you.

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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Red-Treble Charger

I saw you looking for a light, face painted cigarette white.
You asked the cleanest boy you found; You couldn't see me turned around.
His fingers stretched across your empty gaze, but I just can't escape.

As the red fades from your wrinkled dress,
A picture of the people you've impressed,
Hangs on a wall around here, vision starts to crawl when I'm near.
And the evening waits, while you get caught up to your own mistakes,
Made up of different lines, I wouldn't want to keep in my mind.

I wondered why you'd come around,
Remembering your little girl frown.
Your answers kept the crowd at bay,
With compliments unwilling to pay.
I have some things I'd like to say to you,
But they just can't be true.

I find it very strange that nightmares can be so vivid, real and scary. But when you wake up. You cant really remember what they are about. Though you cant remember, you are still frightened, because your sub-conscious knows something that you don't. I think that is the scariest part of nightmares.
I just had one, if you cant tell.

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Monday, July 04, 2005

So this long weekend was one for the record books. I am running on a serious lack of sleep, food, and brain power. Friday night(Canada Day) was The James' birthday. We celebrated with a dinner at his house, followed by a great ice cream cake. Apres dinner we went to Gregs house to party with his sister and her friends. We ended up swimming until 5 am.







Saturday is a whole other story.
A friend of mine from England had arrived late on Friday night, so I decided to take her out for dinner on Saturday evening, then for a night on the town in Toronto. We went to Gregs apartment first for a drink or two. Then headed to the Guvernment to sit on the roof top and waste some time before we headed to see Dj Rap at system soundbar.
We danced there until they kicked us out around 530 am. We then went back to Gregs apartment and smoked joints as the sun rose. None of us slept very well.





Sunday was a rough day for me. The weekend had really caught up with my by this point. I didn't want to do anything but sleep. But of course, I received a phone call from a friend informing me that it was ribfest this weekend in centennial Park. I jumped in the shower and headed there. It was so fucking hot, I could barely eat. The ribs were great. My friends and I must have gone through about 20 racks.
It was a great end to a great long weekend.

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Friday, July 01, 2005

The reason why i should always remain behind the camera while pictures are taken.

This is a story a friend of mine wrote and sent to me. I really liked it so I published it a while back. December 21 2004 to be exact. I was bored today, like most days. So I began to read some of my past entries on this site(I can barely remember what I posted yesterday). I re-read the story, and decided that it should be posted again. Enjoy.

There once was a man unlike any other. His name was Royal. He lived very far away from other people; this seclusion he said helped him grow his perfect strawberries. He was the only person in the whole world that knew how to grow strawberries, and so by default they were perfect. He was also very old, and had been alive as long as anyone could remember. He had a huge plot of land, and all he grew on it was strawberries. When they were ripe, people would travel impossibly far distances to obtain them. Sometimes people would begin traveling six months in advance, so as to ensure a place in the line. He allowed one small basket per person. He was unswayed by tears, pleadings, and anything of the sort. He served them on a first come first serve basis. He found that this system worked, and stuck with it. He did not much care for people only strawberries.
Some thought that he must be very lonely, they were wrong of course. The reason that he was the only person, who knew how to grow strawberries, was because he had an extra ear, just inside his regular ears, so small, it was almost imperceptible. What he heard in this inner was the strawberries speaking to him in their sweet and melodic language. Since he had been alive as long as anyone could remember, it is impossible to recount the story of the first strawberry if such a thing ever existed. So he was not lonely, he felt overwhelmed by the voices all around him. The only time he ever got nay peace was in the winter, when the frost had silenced his beloved berries. He was always happy for the first few days of this, but soon he began to pine for their plaintive voices and melodic chatter. But he was never disconcerted, for he knew without fail that they would begin to whisper in his ear soon enough.
The day that everything changed was like any other day in his life, until of course the thing happened. The sun rose and he with it, together they gazed over the ripening berries. At midday, the most primal time of day, the thing happened. He was tending to two rather plump berries and was so engrossed in their mindless chatter, that he without noticing he crushed three perfect baby berries. He saw their unrippened blood oozing from them and his heart broke. In all the time that he had tended to the berries he had never allowed one to be trodden or over ripened, they were so loved. He stared and stared at the squashed berries. He knew then that he was unfit to tend to any of the other berries for he had failed his duty to those three. How could he in good conscious go on to care for them, when the same carelessness which had killed their brethren might fall on them. With a heavy head and heart, he packed up his belongings and left that place. He set off towards the east; no one knows what became of him.
At the time when the berries ought to have been ready for distribution, the line which began weeks in advance of the actual date had already formed. The people waited and waited. The time came and passed and still they waited until one day the people simply walked up unto his property to find out where their strawberries were. When they reached the crest of the hill and looked down unto the fields a terrible sight met their eyes. Everywhere where berries, rotting, unpicked, laden with terrible looking bugs. The people ran away in fear. Many people still would go and line up waiting in the usual place waiting for Royal and his berries to return. Some gave up hope almost immediately; it will take years of disappointment to beat the hope out of some. Either way there are no more strawberries anymore.

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

"I am a pathalogical liar, and can not be trusted. So all of this can be as fake as it is real."
GSUSKING

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