This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

Saturday, September 10, 2005

You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave.

When I see two flowers together, it makes me think of better times. I am really reaching back for good memories today. Its fucked up how the mind uses memories to make us happy when we are not. Well at least it tries too. Any happy memory is surrounded by a bitter sweet shell.
Now rewind quite a few years. Your humble narrator was a coked out movie star* I was still in highschool, and deeply in love with my girlfriend at the time. We used to do everything together. Party every weekend, do coke, fuck all night, drink till one of us became so drunk that we would have to go home. I was really happy then, I had a partner, someone who was my equal. Someone to share my emotions, my thoughts, and most importantly my fears.
She was really caring and understanding of me when I broke my knee. She was better then any nurse could have been. She stayed in all summer with me, watching movies, getting me food, and just caring for me. Now that I think back on this, I wonder why she would have done all of this for me.
I always questioned her love for me. Me being a druggie, with no plans for the future, and her being a beautiful young women, an amazing artist with the world at her finger tips.
So many little things seem to remind me of her: Anytime I see a pair of flowers blowing freely in the wind her name comes to my mind.

*Way more delusions then grandeur back then.

killed softly at 9/10/2005 11:37:00 AM

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