This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

Monday, October 31, 2005

On Saturday, I went to my friends' funeral. It was a Muslim funeral, and well... I had never been to one before, and totally did not know what to expect.
It was beautiful. Different, but beautiful all the same.
Masta and I walked in, and were immediately asked to remove our shoes. We did so, and were led further into the Mosque. We were led to our seats, and were informed in brief, what a Muslim funeral intails.
We sat, as everyone prayed. I believe a rough translation of the prayer was: "praise Allah, take our brother into your land, and pray for the living" This was repeated and sung for about an hour, until they brought the bodies out.
Then everyone was asked to pay their respects to the dead. We sat and awaited our turn. There were probably about 1000 people there. They all slowly got up and walked by both the caskets. This was by far, the hardest part for me. I never expected to see my two friends like this. They did not look natural, and were wrapped in a ceremonial cloth.
After we paid our respects, we were led into another room. Where more prayers were said. Im not sure of the translation. We were standing, and the prayers continued, a guy next to Masta and I fainted, I felt so bad for the guy. After 10 more minutes of prayers the ushers/volunteers asked us to face each other, so we made rows of people facing one another, with about a 3 foot space between us.
This was when the coffins were brought into the room. And passed between the rows, so that everyone's hand helped carry the casket. I think this part was especially hard on masta. Since he had never been to an open casket funeral, he was already messed up from seeing the bodies. We both stayed strong, as the caskets passed through our hands. I said my personal prayers, and goodbyes to my friends at this point, and felt a release. I felt at peace. As the caskets were passed the prayers that were just a few words, were repetitively sung. I found this very soothing, and almost hypnotic.
I did not goto the burial, because I thought it was for the immediate family only.
It was good closure, for both masta and I. We talked about how we felt, and how interesting it was to have such a part in our friends funeral.

|

Friday, October 28, 2005

This suit has seen too many funerals.
These ears heard too many lies.
My imagination is jealous, because my eyes have seen the unimaginable.
Slowly and unsurely, things will return to normal.
No more lunch together.

|

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The fucking gun violence in this city has got to stop. The amount of shootings in the past 72 hours is mind boggling. I want to start an anti gun rally, but I am afraid, if I speak these words when I am not hidden behind the mask of anonymity, I myself will be shot.
Two of my very good friends, were both, shot and killed on Sunday evening. This is canada for fucks sake, the biggest and best city in Canada. Through the summer, a lot of people were shot, due to gang violence. But my friends were the 63rd and 64th homicides this year in toronto, respectivly.
I am not taking this very well, i am filled with anger more then any other emotion. These men were my friends. My close friends. 26, and 25. Both had many years left to live. They were robbed. Robbed of life, and whatever else they had in the car, that made it worth shooting them in their heads.
Im going to stop myself before i get really mad.
for anyone out there who owns a gun. go throw it in the lake/ocean/garbage.

RIP
Aleem
and
Bisquit.

|

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Designer drugs, and chemical narcotics.
Do not let them use you. Try your best to be a good human being, with out the aid of illicit substances.
Pot calling the kettle black.
I have come to a point in my life, almost a fork in the road. Where I must make decisions that will effect the outcome of my life.

flag is down at the 48

These, are ment to be the best years of my life.
Why aren't they?
that is a question I ask myself every day.
I wanted to go out on Friday.
I wanted to go out last night.
today, would have been cool....

My brain is bubbling today. Not good bubbling.
I wanted to buy something really expensive yesterday, and then smash the shit out of it. The rain washed away these plans, and my will to live.

I had a few ideas:

I wanted to buy a car, and just destroy it, but then I was afraid I would get arrested for some law I didn't know about. That pertains to smashing cars in a parking lot.

next, I thought I would buy a china hutch, and destroy it with an axe or something.
it would have been cool, if it was all filled with china as well.

Then I thought about buying or 'finding' a TV I could smash. With a baseball bat. Or maybe a hockey stick(since I am Canadian).

While smashing these things, I planned on drinking a bottle of champange.
I don't know where these ideas are comming from.

im starting to like it though.

Early this morning as i was walking home in the rain. It felt like i was moving backwards while walking forwards. That is almost the same way i feel about my life right now. I am traveling forward through time, but it feels like i am moving backwards in life. I guess this is probably hard for all of you out there to understand.
I feel like a hamster in his exercise wheel. There are no real negative effects, but he isnt going anywhere. Its like working two weeks, just to pay for one.
Pointless.

|

Thursday, October 20, 2005

"...well, i wasnt down, i just wasnt smiling at you"



The days are going by faster and faster. It seems like a year has passed in just minutes. This 'fast moving time' thing is really getting to me. I feel so old, and as every second passes, i feel that much older.
Time is a large circle, with no begining, and no end. To most of you, that quote wont make any sense. cause, most of you are sane.
The Arcade Fire is good.
Bob Saget is bad.

|

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I am the biggest perve on the planet.
ok
now that i have that off my chest.
check out this site.
some entertaining photos

|

Monday, October 17, 2005

Tonight I am hopefully going to see an unnamed women in concert.
I hope I can score the illusive tickets I have been hunting for.
I hope I hope I hope.
Willma is on deck, the last hurricane of the year. Well that's what the gulf coast hopes.
There hopes seem more important then mine. But they are not.
I hate GWB.
Today's post is a bit scatterbrained.
I am excitified.
my weekend was long. I doubled up on party hours.
and halved my sleep intake.
sometime I question my decisions. Then I remember you only live once.
maybe 2wice.
less then likely 3 times.
but that's it, I draw the line at 3 times.

|

Friday, October 14, 2005

My right ear keep clicking, and feeling like it is on an airplane. Its cause my head is one big stuffed up mess. All the pressure inside of there is fucked.
I don't want to write about being sick today. So I wont.



The movie 'It's All Gone Pete Tong" is fucking amazing, I could watch it on a loop for at least 3 hours. I love it, its so funny, in a non-funny way. The irony of a Dj going deaf is great, and I love how the director/writer plays on it.
There was another movie I saw that I think everyone should see, but... My brain is not co-operating this morning, so I cant remember the title, or what the movie is about. I just can remember that I had another movie to suggest. It will come to me at some point tonite and I will yell "MOVIE TITLE" and start laughing to myself. The people in the bar will look at me really strangely. Then I will yell it again "MOOOOOOVIE TITLE, I can t believe I forgot the name of it" At this point, the bartender, or waitress that is serving me, will politely ask my party and I to leave. I love how I refer to my imaginary friends as 'my party'.

|

Thursday, October 13, 2005

So I had a seriously demented nightmare last night. I think being sick had something to do with it.
It was about my good friend Greg. There were these murders going down in the area, and our friends were dying. Me and Greg stuck together to hopefully kick the murderers ass if he came after us.
Then I started to put the pieces of the puzzle together(it was like some CSI shit), and I concluded that Greg was the killer.
I then confronted him about it.

"Greg, you are murdering all these people aren't ya?" I asked.

It took him a few minutes to reply but he did "yeah, so what? They deserved it."

He then went on to tell my why these people deserved to die. This is when I started to get scared.
"well since you are my buddy, I will help you get out of this trouble" I re-assured him.
This is when I started to get nervous in my dream.
It really started to mess with me, thinking that he was going to kill me. We then went on a huge chase, that subconsciously traveled through Toronto, and Montreal at the same time. I was trying to nicely escape from him, cause I knew he planned to kill me.
thinking of it now makes me scared.
Greg, if you are reading this, you are one scary fucker.

|

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I like it long, and painful.


I am sick, and I am starting to believe that it is killing me. My nose is stuffed, my throat is sore. I do not have a fever though.
I remember when I was a kid. I was always really really sick. There is one time that totally sticks out in my memory. I was about 12. I had gotten bronchitis. It was really shitty, I couldn't eat, or even get out of bed for a few days. My fever was so high, I was hallucinating. It felt like I was standing on my head, and all the blood was rushing too it. This coupled with the rollercoaster ride/the spins, and what I thought was my dad yelling at me, totally fucked me up. I had never hallucinated before, as you see, this was me pre-mind altering drugs. I was all sweaty and gross.
I don't really know where I am going with this. I just hope this cold makes me hallucinate.
i can smell a free buzz commin on.

|

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

1) I did not, not talk to a crazy blind bum from Oakville for about an hour on Sunday morning before going on the CIBC "walk for a cure".



2)I did not, not get really drunk at dinner on Sunday and spill red wine everywhere. What else did I not, not do? I did not, not get up in the middle of diner and get two more bottles of red wine from the SAQ next door for our table. L'Academy, classy joint. The food was really not, not shit though.



3)I did not, not get really wasted on Sunday, goto central station after diner, and hit on older women. I also did not, not take said older women and my friends to an after hours that I have been known to not, not frequent.



4)I did not, not convince a nice bartender at the local "dive" to drive me back to Toronto. We did not, not share the same taste in music, and this made the drive not, not fun.

|

Friday, October 07, 2005

Another friday night in the city



Bah, i am semi-bitter tonite, cause i am going out to spend money i shouldn't on shit i dont like.
But when in rome. as they say.
somethings in toronto are starting to get on my nerves, like it the number one problem with toronto is that its not montreal. And that is pissing me off, more and more, with each passing second.
To many snobs in Toronto for my liking.
f'n snobs.

|

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

hey,

Angelo sucks. He made sure I said that about him
so like, yeah, whatever, you know. Here it is bIATCHES



so we got together recently to get trashed and take pics n here it is.



pour me anothing drink asssssssssws. Yeah


- b.e.r



So then, ambers drunken rendition of these events is so untrue. Cause I do not suck. Though I didn't tell her to say that, she says I did.



What a guy ledouche.



We are wasted, and drinking The James' booze. He seems to be in class, so Ber and I have taken over the apartment + the booze. It smells like cooked bacon. I enjoy bacon.

|

Welcome to the world of the unfortunate.



That quote is the only thing i can remember from my dream last night.
It was like burned into the inside of my eyelids as i awoke this morning.
I love waking up on a couch in montreal, nothing makes me more content.
Its great here. So warm, and intoxicating.
I have been drunk since i got here, which is fairly strange for me, since i rarely look to the bottle as a means of entertainment.
I was just about to goto a bar, and hit on the bartender, but i didnt.
whats it to ya?

|

Sunday, October 02, 2005

So then, its been a couple of weeks. Some events unfolded while I was in Orlando which led to the ultimate destruction/explosion of my computer. I am not sure of exactly what happened, all I know is that I got home and it didn't work.
It was my bday last week. The 28th of September. I am feeling old and useless now. 23 is a strange age to be. You are not 21 anymore, nor are you 25. Its like be stuck in a vortex of age or something.
I am in Montreal right now using my friends computer, Gregs computer to be exact.
A lot of shit has happened to me in the past couple of weeks. But I am too lazy to type out all the bullshit that I call my life.
I should be here for a few more days, so expect a good update with pictures of the bums I was hanging with this morning.

|

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

"I am a pathalogical liar, and can not be trusted. So all of this can be as fake as it is real."
GSUSKING

archive
current
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
October 2006
November 2006
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2009

free hit counter

MY HERO

GOOD BOOKS

Pedagogy of

the Oppressed

LINKAGE