This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Designer drugs, and chemical narcotics.
Do not let them use you. Try your best to be a good human being, with out the aid of illicit substances.
Pot calling the kettle black.
I have come to a point in my life, almost a fork in the road. Where I must make decisions that will effect the outcome of my life.

flag is down at the 48

These, are ment to be the best years of my life.
Why aren't they?
that is a question I ask myself every day.
I wanted to go out on Friday.
I wanted to go out last night.
today, would have been cool....

My brain is bubbling today. Not good bubbling.
I wanted to buy something really expensive yesterday, and then smash the shit out of it. The rain washed away these plans, and my will to live.

I had a few ideas:

I wanted to buy a car, and just destroy it, but then I was afraid I would get arrested for some law I didn't know about. That pertains to smashing cars in a parking lot.

next, I thought I would buy a china hutch, and destroy it with an axe or something.
it would have been cool, if it was all filled with china as well.

Then I thought about buying or 'finding' a TV I could smash. With a baseball bat. Or maybe a hockey stick(since I am Canadian).

While smashing these things, I planned on drinking a bottle of champange.
I don't know where these ideas are comming from.

im starting to like it though.

Early this morning as i was walking home in the rain. It felt like i was moving backwards while walking forwards. That is almost the same way i feel about my life right now. I am traveling forward through time, but it feels like i am moving backwards in life. I guess this is probably hard for all of you out there to understand.
I feel like a hamster in his exercise wheel. There are no real negative effects, but he isnt going anywhere. Its like working two weeks, just to pay for one.
Pointless.

killed softly at 10/23/2005 02:00:00 PM

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