This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT
She was a girl that was filled with love, so much so that you could see it in her eyes. Over time she faced challenges that clouded that love and she was no longer the confident girl that she had once been. Lacking strength she had to fight very hard to survive.
There came a day followed by many others when she felt defeated. To her it was as though she had not only resided in hell but was dancing with the devil. Simply getting out of bed in the morning became a struggle. She was crippled by her lack of faith and her battlefield was buried beneath a pool of her own tears.
Always striving to remain balanced she glued her eyes to the floor and in the pool at her feet she would see her reflection. The girl that stared back at her had eyes full of sadness, anger and fear she was almost unrecognizable to herself. She was unable to see the strength within her, she saw only weakness.
She was determined to prevent anyone from seeing what she had become but it comes as no surprise that no matter how hard she tried to cover up her anguish she still felt naked and afraid like a fool.
One night she had, had enough. She could no longer mask her pain. The cost was just too much. In her pool of tears she begged for a reason to keep swimming. She wanted so much to live and to feel alive again.
Suddenly, she was flooded with life and although it was painful she embraced it. Almost simultaneously her eyes were drawn away from the floor and up to the sky. Not sure why, she held her hands firmly together and did something she had never done before. She prayed to God, not to make changes and fulfill her wishes but to give her clarity. "Why?" she asked. "How did I get I here and what did I do to deserve this?" As though she saw a light at the end of the dark tunnel she found her answer...she had done nothing. She had done nothing to deserve it, nothing to prevent it, and nothing to put an end to it.
All along she was waiting for her life to fix itself, to be better, when what she needed to do was fix her life herself. She had been given the clarity to see that she had the power to make the changes. The choice was hers.
With this much needed sense of control she faced the world differently. Slowly she gathered up the strength to make changes that made her proud of herself. With time she eventually held her head high again and although she would never forget, she would try to forgive.
Moral of the story???
The truth can set you free...to be a door mat you have to first put your self in a position to be stepped on. People can only take advantage you to the degree that you allow them to.
killed softly at 11/30/2005 10:47:00 AM
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
