This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

2009-10-25T14:17:00.004-04:00

BERLIN CALLING

So Paul Kalkbrenner's movie BERLIN CALLING.

This movie kicks ass.
Kalkbrenner plays a drug addicted schizophrenic techno DJ/Producer. Himself being a large DJ/ Producer in Berlin leaves one asking how much this is acting and how much is true pain. His acting coupled with an amazing soundtrack (produced by Kalkbrenner) made me want to book the next flight back to berlin.

i cant really write for shit anymore.
I guess you should just check out the movie for yourself.

Halloween is coming again fast and hard.
I have no cell phone and it sucks.
here is a picture.

2009-10-21T00:42:00.005-04:00

gah.
its been 2 years and the mood here still has not changed.
I keep this blog open in hopes that i will begin to use it again.
and i guess that day has come.

Im still living in Montreal(After a 4 month stint in calgary for a crime i did not commit). Things here are interesting as always.

here is a more recent photo of me for those who wish to stalk

a lot has happened in the last 2 years. I've had my heart broken and have broken a few hearts.

I wonder if anyone still reads this ?

2007-09-19T20:33:00.000-04:00

Just tell me what you've got to say to me
I've been waiting for so long to hear the truth
It comes as no surprise at all you see
So cut the crap and tell me that we're through

Now I know your heart, I know your mind
You don't even know you're bein' unkind
So much for all your highbrow Marxist ways
Just use me up and then you walk away
Boy, you can't play me that way

Well I guess what you say is true
I could never be the right kind of girl for you

CHORUS:

I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman

When I saw my best friend yesterday
She said she never liked you from the start
Well me, I wish that I could claim the same
But you always knew you held my heart

And you're such a charming, handsome man
Now I think I finally understand
Is it in your genes? I don't know
But I'll soon find out, that's for sure
Why did you play me this way

Well I guess what you say is true
I could never be the right kind of girl for you

(CHORUS)

Well I guess what they say is true
I could never spend my life with a man like you

(CHORUS)

2007-09-12T23:30:00.000-04:00

x-cited about dan deacon tomorrow night. Girl Talk should be decent as well.
I can hardly contain myself.
as well boys noize is spinning at parking.One word.BlackOutThursdays.

Loft problems are giving me headaches and making me depressed.
I just want things to be simple.
I have two days.weeks.
to set wheels in motion.

Montreal is starting to lose its charm.
Dont get me wrong i love living here.
but times are tough.
rough times are.

2007-09-07T21:12:00.000-04:00

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to fall
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads - heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears (hearts)
they were here first

Mmmm whacha say,
Mmmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whacha say,
Mmmm that its all for the best?
of course it is
Mmmm whacha say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
Mmmm whacha say?
Mmmm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

(hide and seek)
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a (you don't care a) bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
oh no, you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit

2007-09-03T11:25:00.000-04:00

Labour day weekend.

My first full weekend back in Montreal has turned out to be an eventful one.

Thursday evening was a blast from my past. I played a fool. did stupid shit and had fun. I blacked out somewhere around 11pm. Drank till i puked. Lost my camera. My credit and a good friend.

Friday i became better friends with a couch, tv and toilette combo then any man has ever. Drinking till you pass out = waking up and puking till you pass out.

Saturday night was amazing.
went to SAT. caught the last few songs in FOREIGN ISLANDS set. They were fun upbeat, though the sound quality was shit, i still throughly enjoyed it.
Shir Khan busted some top 40 electro/techno remix set. I was quite happy. Since i was sober it helped me dance.
MSTRKRFT as usual started there set amazingly with great tracks and great mixes. But as the hours past, the chugging of JD from the bottle started catching up with them.

Today i goto see Tommie Sunshine @ piknic electronik woot

2007-08-28T10:36:00.000-04:00

I feel like writing will help me.
But when one can not express freely
how much can it help?

2007-08-26T18:37:00.001-04:00

Long awaited Euro Pics.
this sucks.
takes too long to up.
ill figure it out.
soon

other then that,
montreal is alright, seems to have less flavor after experiencing the berlin night life
last night i was a trained for pain.
i ended up wastedddd at 5-6 am in some loft, at an underwater themed after party.

I have a new love for 8-bit sound.
love
check some out sometime.

2007-08-23T09:55:00.000-04:00

i guess you can say this vacation is a sucess.
im broke
alone
and
drunk!
back to montreal tomorow night!
woot
be expecting like 10000000 pictures
anddddddddddd
i got thisssss

2007-08-19T07:32:00.000-04:00

post 685

vienna sucks.
i just saw my friend off to the airport.
it was sad.
but this is life. full of ups and downs.
i am heading to italy today to see my family
the train ride from berlin to vienna was the worst. we were on no sleep and comming down from the party the night before.
it was hot and sweaty, and every time you fell a sleep a person would come wake u up and look at your passport.
talk about lame.
i also had to pay 25 euro because the train travelled through prauge. FT
im bored,
time to go cause trouble.
much love.

2007-08-15T12:03:00.000-04:00

So i am in berin again with my good friend mary. She was a total PMS case today. but to be fair i was a total hungover needy whine machine.
its a lot more fun when she is here . its like the time seems to be passing by really fast and along with it my money. Its decently cheap here. I was in vienna and it was really beautiful... beautiful and fucking borrrrring.
I am going back to vienna in a few days to see mary to the airport. then im heading to Italy (hopefully) and then amsterdamn. Btw Becks is .8€ for a half liter.
ive been pretty drunk lately
wooot
love you all
cept you

2007-08-11T09:56:00.000-04:00

so here i am in berlin
this city has unbelievable culture and so many sights
i spend the day yesterday walking along the wall.
Its amazing how they could have seperated friends and family like that.
i am staying about 500 meters away from the famous 'check point charlie'
There is a large gang of squaters living in the abandoned building next to my hostel
they have their own little society going on.
they are the last of their kind though as berlin police and politicians have been slowly removing all squater havens.
They keep themselves well protected with dogs and military vehicles.
i want to join their gang. but i dont think they liked me too much

I puked all day today. berlin def kicked the shit out of me last night. I underestimated the power of 7 liters of becks beer in colaberation with a few cl's of absynthe.

Thats all the time i have today kiddies.
im off to vienna tomorow to further my drinking habit.

2007-08-06T12:14:00.000-04:00

so that time has come.
i goto Berlin on Wednesday.
seems so far, but i have 10001 things to do before.
I have never been to Europe so you can imagine how eager.nervous i am
Divercite in Montreal this weekend was great.
i have worked too much lately
i need this vacation like a fish needs water.

next update
will be from Berlin or Vienna
i wish i could use better quality images on this site.
it will come in time

2007-07-31T21:09:00.000-04:00

Fudge it, I'm back
Hello blog world.
This blog is about me
and my life.
Where ever i may be

I consist of few things.
Party
Photography
Idiocy

These things though small
Random
and
strange
Help me in my daily life.
In which you will come to know.
Through
said
blog.

2006-11-26T13:51:00.000-05:00

I dont want to be with anybody at all
I dont want to be seen with anybody at all
The world is much to big for me to handle alone
But I dont want no friends, I want to stay on my own

The planets turning but I cant stand still
The clock is ticking but I cant stop time
And all I want is to be by myself
Do you think thats a crime

2006-11-02T19:30:00.000-05:00

I am very bitter right now, as i have to goto THE PRESETS concert alone tonight.

Ill leave you all with a picture of me, from my bday. Sept 28th, im 24 if anyone was counting.

2006-11-01T10:40:00.000-05:00

another halloween has come and passed.
sleepless weekend.
but i still remember you guys.
and will never forget.

I thought you'd love this

2006-10-19T19:12:00.000-04:00

I just found out that Google, Yahoo and Microsoft are contributing their technology to a new website called GoodTree that gives money to charity when you use it.

It's invitation only. I thought you'd love it
Accept Invitation

Don't ask me to help charities'

2006-10-13T01:02:00.000-04:00

That there
Thats not me
I go
Where I please
I walk through walls
I float down the liffey
Im not here
This isnt happening
Im not here
Im not here

In a little while
Ill be gone
The moments already passed
Yeah its gone
And Im not here
This isnt happening
Im not here
Im not here

Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes
Im not here
This isnt happening
Im not here
Im not here

2006-10-05T12:32:00.000-04:00

"These Are The Fables..."

Some say.
that the world wasnt built in day.
But if these people saw the booger i picked out of my nose
they would change their stories.
this thing could sustain life.

2006-08-24T21:35:00.000-04:00

The place is getting cleaner and cleaner each day.
Who knew it would be hard to keep a large apt so clean.
It totally has sometin to do with the amount of peeps that have been living here forever and ever.
There are few people that don't work at night,
This disappoints me.
My innerself tells me "you should go out and party and wasted and meet some random peeps"
but then the smart part of my brain kicks in and tells me "no idiot, you work tomorrow, and have shit to pay for. Don't waste your money and the remaining brain cells you have left"

well that settles it, Im going out.

goodbye job money braincells.
Hello wrongfully gained peer approval

2006-08-21T20:42:00.000-04:00

These Are The People

Fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walking blues
climb the fence, books and pens
I can tell that we're going to be friends

Walk with me, Suzy Lee
through the park and by the tree
we will rest upon the ground
and look at all the bugs we found
then safely walk to school
without a sound

Well here we are, no one else
we walked to school all by ourselves
there's dirt on our uniforms
from chasing all the ants and worms
we clean up and now its time to learn

Numbers, letters, learn to spell
nouns, and books, and show and tell
at playtime we will throw the ball
back to class, through the hall
teacher marks our height
against the wall

And we don't notice any time pass
we don't notice anything
we sit side by side in every class
teacher thinks that I sound funny
but she likes the way you sing

Tonight I'll dream while in my bed
when silly thoughts go through my head
about the bugs and alphabet
and when I wake tomorrow I'll bet
that you and I will walk together again
cause I can tell that we're going to be friends

2006-08-13T10:28:00.000-04:00

That’s just the tip of the pop iceberg on this album. Repeated listening reveals an array of speckled, layered influences – from House to low-slung, fuzzed up punk garage, seminal 80s raincoat-wearing Mancunian electropop to Nouveau Disco – often within the one song

CUT COPY

2006-07-31T18:22:00.000-04:00

Today I quit my job as a video game tester.
I finish work on Friday, and I never have to return
Though by the time I had quit, I had already landed a sweet lower management position.
That place was not the best work environment.(that's all I can say, or ill get sued)
I work with 90% virgins.
I love office nick names.
Probably the best invention of our time.

The Viking
Napoleon dynamite
Batman
ect ect

99.8% of the people in my office play WoW(World of warcraft) the remaining .2%( my friend Daniel and I) want to slap the shit outta people who talk about their FAKE characters in the game.
The game is basically a world, in which people make characters online, and run around killing each other and doing missions??? I have put all this together while overhearing people at the office talking about it.
This is all beside the point though, the game is fucking fake.
I know some people in the office must get off work.... 8 hours testing games. And they go and sit and play WoW for another 8-10 hours when they get home... Then they sleep.
Most of these people have very different social skills.
they all get a long in a nerd like fashion, in this online fantasy world.
but in person they shutter when someone asks them a question.
I find this sad.

2006-07-23T10:27:00.000-04:00

whenever you want me, whenever you need me

This week was a whirl wind of emotions, that all climaxed on Friday night.
I was drinking.
better yet, I was drunk.
I embarrassed myself.
Better yet, I embarrassed everyone.

Im listening to some amazing old john coltrane recording. Softly as in a morning sunrise. He was so a head of his time its amazing. I feel like I could have heard this last night at Upstairs. Either over the speakers, or played by some jazz/coltrane aficionado.
The music motivates me.

I cant wait to have a keyboard in the apartment. It will truly make this place feel like home. I have no drive. I can feel the depression setting in.
I want to go wakeskate. I want to hit the water with such furry. Hitting water at 20/mph is like hitting a piece of smooth concrete, rather then the welcoming liquid it usually is.
Its strange how speed can change the dynamic of something that is normally soft, and welcoming, into something so cold and hard you don't even recognize it when it smacks you in the face.

2006-07-16T13:49:00.000-04:00

i guess i should have posted this a while ago,
but i am really drunk now, so its goin up now.

Its 145 on sunday afternoon in montreal
The shit is about to hit the fan.
i love it

Im with neary, and we are drinking Alberta's best.
which, is pretty good beer if you ask moi.

We are heading to Picknic Electronik

2006-07-04T04:26:00.000-04:00

Its 430 am,
I've just been awakened by a party in my apartment, going on around me as I slept.
I work tomorrow. Which sucks.
I wish I was passed out drunk.
My roommates had their work party this evening.
so they decided to bring their work party back to our apartment after the bar, though their hard working roommate has to work at 8 am.
There will be payback.
MASSIVE payback
There are random frenchies wandering around my place. Im ready to.. je ne c'est quoi... Punch them in the face.

I am happy on the inside though, I had the best long weekend possible.

Dropped.

over it!

2006-06-27T21:14:00.000-04:00

"I wanna bring back new wave"

So the neon party fucking rocked this weekend.
I was totally looped.
I was talking to all these random people all night.
they stole sips of my drinks. I didn't seem to mind.
going out and bendering isn't the answer to my problems though.
I just have to get into the grove.
I need to take my mind of things.
its hard.
harder then it seems.

what else can I talk about
I went to central station on Sunday night. That place is friggin awesome, if you are ever in Montreal on a Sunday. You must go.
Im thinking about going out tonight as well.
not really sure though.
I now feel like I don't have to be in bed early to goto work to test video games.
I can feel my nightlife comming back to me.
Angelo. damn you, you son of a bitch....damn you.

This weekend is canada day. im staying here in quebec. they dont really celebrate canada day here.
They have st jean baptiste the weekend before.
St jean day should just be called "welcome to summer in Montreal bitches"
or "sweat stained t-shirts and tan lines"

cause that's basically what happens.

I have come to realize that I must parle francais if I really want to live here, meet people and party.
so I am thinking about going up north to some random French family's house. Where they will do nothing but teach me French and feed me some diner.
This is all on the great governments tab.
Love the gov for shit like this.

Quebec seems to get all the breaks from the fed guv. They are hooked up here.
I wish I was born here damn it!
though they have some sort of funny tax here
they have GST.
and they have PST.
but they also have another 2% tax.
it fucks with me
its called a "leisure" tax. Or so I have been told.
fuckers.

Last but def not least.
my friend Greg, is leaving Montreal.
im totally gonna miss the dude, and him lending me money at the bar when im all incoherent and annoying/obnoxious/belligerently wasted.
He was originally called the serial drunk dialer on this blog.
Now, he will be known as BWV
and I shall soon be referred to as #3.

Montreal wont be the same without him.. But he will be rich from working in the summer. There is always a place on my couch for ya buddy.

2006-06-23T11:57:00.000-04:00

So its grand prix/st jean baptiste here in montreal, i remember last year when i went to this crazy ass loft party in some sketchy warehouse down on the shore.. It was the fucking hottest party i have ever been too. Not hot as in paris hilton. but hot as in sweaty humid mess.
They served beer all night and had an indoor hot tub. This place was the tits. This girl I knew totally did too much, and ended up losing her shirt, and talking to some sort of plastic plant that was used to decorate the dance floor.

thats all i got....

2006-06-20T08:00:00.000-04:00

My trip starts with a Caesar, not the best Caesar I've ever had, but it still hits the spot.
Montreal in 5 hours how many ceasers can I drink before then?
First class tickets are cheap right now, so I figure ill make up the difference in the free alcohol they give away.
Ceasers are the drink of choice today due to my actions last night.

Last night in semi point form.

- broken heart
- MMVA after party
- booze
- photos
- booze
- photos
- booze
- MSTRKRFT
- ect ect ect

I'm noticing a common trend.
Maybe why I've been so fucked up and emotional lately is because of stress?
Alcohol(in proper doses) relieves stress
My problem is once I have more then 3, I become an uncontrollable alcohol monster, drinking everything in sight, even stuff that's outta sight.
Haha
I laugh at myself as I look back on it now.
This is why I try not to drink, I don't like to laugh at myself.
I think of myself as a proud person.
Not cool, not that smart, but I do have self pride, which isn't always a good thing.
Don't get it mixed up with an ego like most do.
Its not an ego,
I just project myself with a very high confidence, to shadow the confidence that im truly lacking
I have to get my hair cut tomorrow, I have some big meeting this week where I must look respectable, yet hip, yet what's that supposed to mean?

1 Caesar down

If you are reading this... And i know you are... Just remember ill miss you.

2006-06-17T13:22:00.000-04:00

Wow, I was wasted on Thursday night.
I drank a few bottles of vino in celebration of a few things, far to private to mention here.
But as the story goes, when ever I get wasted, I cause shit.
Im like a 4 year old kid with ADD, I break pretty much ne thing I touch. And drink ne thing that is in sight.
From what I remember from the evening I squirted mustard all over a restaurant where they continued to serve me smoked meat until I felt like I was gonna exploded.
They were not impressed with the mustard
Angelo + 4 bottles of red = disgusting mess
I came home covered in mustard, and what appeared to be ketchup, though I am not sure.
I then passed out cold.

I came home for the weekend.
suburbia is lame

the end

2006-06-04T17:26:00.000-04:00

"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person"

Arab man update---

I saw the sick Persian man I called the ambulance for. I asked him "how are you feeling today?"
he looked at me shocked, like he had never met me before. He was stoned as hell last time we met though, so I don't blame him for not remembering me.
"im the guy who called the ambulance for you last week!? Remember ?"

"ah yes" he replied "I am doing much better, as soon as I got to the hospital, I felt 100% and I left" he chuckled.
"well that was a good waste of money wasn't it?" I remarked. "next time just chill out and watch a lava lamp or something."

turns out the dude lives in my building. Gonna be a lot of uncomfortable situations in the future.

2006-05-31T08:36:00.000-04:00

This is the best thing I have ever read. I have a big crush on this text.

written by: Anon.

Boredom

I am that bored with my life? So bored that I must resort to sporadic moments of artificial stimulation? No, I canÂt accept that. There is much more to life Â there must be. There is. I have just yet to embrace it. To find the motivation to seek it. Thats it. Motivation. Drive. Those are worlds which do not find themselves in my encyclopedia of thought. I wish they did. They do on occasion, but so fleeting that they are hard to grasp onto. Why so? I donÂt know. Perhaps a lack of change for which I only have to blame but myself. This thought is so sad, that because of its sadness I can no longer humor it. Circles, circles, I seem to be moving in reverse Â IÂm back where I started without even having moved an inch. Ridiculous. In turn, my existence being ridiculous. Okay, maybe that is too harsh.

What will it take to make me move? There are so many causes, I donÂt know what to choose. Lack of decision, indecision, results in de-motivation Â so I have proved. Ambition, so great in theory, lacking in action. How is one to transition, transcribe one state to the other? Give me a phrase or a smack, jolt or pill. What will it take? Is this a condition? Conditions, conditions, itÂs all a condition, the human condition I wish I could break. Lack of intelligence? Perhaps thatÂs what it would taha.

Ahh, the bliss of ignorance, my theory is this: it takes work to maintain it, yet happiness is this. For, those who see and are aware of limitation, suffer a conundrum stipulated by human sensation. How to break it, resolve it, find purpose in this? That is my mission, a way must exist.

I see it, I do. Its in selfless action. That is my cause I must put into practice. I see this, I do, and I will. To help the suffering of the world is my vision fulfilled. Small movements, small action I must focus on, for thatÂs how I might find my way out of this stagnant conundrum. I will tomorrow, I swear, I will. My legacy will be the girl who did nothing but speak of what she could do, until the last minute when she exceptionally came through.

2006-05-29T18:02:00.000-04:00

I guess you could say my feelings were hurt.
I don't really understand why I let myself be so..... Vulnerable??.
Things are getting harder more then they are getting easier.
it sucks doesn't it?
life in general.
for the birds.
I let a pigeon land on me today, and fed it from my hand.
its illegal to feed birds in Montreal parks.
I m such a rebel.

Yesterday an Arab man in front of my building asked me to call him an ambulance.
"I smoked some weed, then ate some spicy food, and now I am dizzy" he explained.
So I did what any good Samaritan would do, and I called him an ambulance, though I could see the hospital from where we were standing. I had a good laugh.
spicy food. Are you kidding me?

2006-05-18T21:12:00.000-04:00

Today is international day people don't answer their phones.
I woke up at 5 am for work today, as I have done every day for the last 2 weeks.
except for yesterday. When I woke up at 9. Beside the point
its now 915 pm in Montreal
I have deduced from my findings that.
WORKING IS FOR CHUMPS.

2006-05-02T09:57:00.000-04:00

so i missed coachella.
I moved that weekend.
Montreal is full of sketchy people.
It makes some feel weird.
not me, i felt weird before i got here.
ive been taking pictures like crazy.
heres a few.

Montreal does inspire me more then anything.. i cant seem to keep my camera out of my hand.
I LOVE IT

2006-04-21T21:54:00.000-04:00

change in plans.. i leave tomorow.
fuck this place and all the people who live here.
live stuck in your bubble, with all your rich parents.
enjoy your sheltered life.
enjoy it alone.
like i do.

2006-04-19T10:27:00.000-04:00

Your humble narrator, will soon be in new surroundings. With a new job...
get this.
I am going to be a video game tester...
ha.
cant believe I am getting paid to play video games.
HAHAH
Im awesome.

2006-04-11T13:54:00.000-04:00

this made my day

I am so stressed out lately... I don't really know what is wrong with me... I don't like this place anymore... I love the people. But hate the place.... Its a feeling of wrongfulness that I get when I am here...
I feel like I should be elsewhere doing other productive things... I feel trapped. Like an animal. Being hunted.
I am fast. I wont get caught again.
I cant get out of here fast enough for my mind to handle..
If I don't make it.
this will be my memorandum;

This has got to die,
This has got to stop,
This has got to lie down,
Someone else on top.

You can keep me pinned,
It's easier to tease,
But you can't paint an elephant,
Quite as good as she.

And she may cry like a baby,
And she may drive me crazy
Cause I am lately lonely.

So, why'd you have to lie,
I take it I'm your crutch,
The pillow in your pillowcase,
Is easier to touch.

And when you think you've sinned,
You fall upon your knees,
Just see within your picture,
Just still forget the breeze.

And she may rise,
If I sing you down,
And she may wisely,
Cling to the ground.
Cause I am lately horny.

So why would would she take me thorny

This has got to die,
This has got to stop,
This has got to lie down,
Someone else on top.

Well you can both keep me pinned
Cause it's easier to tease
But you can't make me happy
Quit as good as me.
When you know that's a lie.

2006-04-10T12:04:00.000-04:00

"was there anything else????"

Sometimes. i
feel
like
this shouldnt be
done.

2006-04-07T14:18:00.000-04:00

I was lying in my bed last night staring
At a ceiling full of stars
When it suddenly hit me
I just have to let you know how I feel
We live together in a photograph of time
I look into your eyes
And the seas open up to me
I tell you I love you
And I always will
And I know that you can't tell me
So I'm left to pick up
The hints, the little symbols of your devotion
I feel your fists
And I know it's out of love
And I feel the whip
And I know it's out of love
I feel your burning eyes burning holes
Straight through my heart
It's out of love
I accept and I collect upon my body
The memories of your devotion

2006-04-07T13:00:00.000-04:00

"Do Lawyers have Lawyers?"

Smalltown Boy
That is my favorite song at the moment... thanks to my buddy nick, and his endless Itunes list.

2006-04-05T12:07:00.000-04:00

OH SHIT MAN Is a photoBattle that I am taking part in. See if you can figure out which photos are mine...
any ideas?

2006-03-27T01:48:00.000-05:00

HOLY SHITthis is the coolest thing I have seen in a while

wow.

It takes a while to load, but wait for it, and watch it...Best marketing for a catalog I have ever seen
not at work though..Just a warning.

2006-03-26T12:11:00.000-05:00

What i enjoy most about the human mind is memory.
i love thinking of funny things.. like the southpark i watched last night.. and laughing about it.. its a very powerful thing that i believe we all take for granted.
sometimes though, i wish i couldnt remember certain things about my life. things like ex gf. shitty things i have done to others.
sometimes i want to just blank out all my memories.. and start fresh... i bet id be a happier person.
I would love my mom and dad more. id pay to forget all my bad memeories..
i think ive watched Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind, way to many times.

2006-03-23T22:47:00.000-05:00

2 posts in one day..
this hasn't happened in a really really long time.
Im gonna write about something I have never mentioned on this blog.
My beautiful better half.
this girl makes me really happy... Like actually happy.
its strange for me to say that. Because I am rarely, truly happy.
she is smart and beautiful.
understanding and caring.
shy and cute.
I could fill notebook upon notebook, on the greatness of this women.
she has changed my life.
and I owe her indefinitely.

2006-03-23T11:24:00.000-05:00

so i got really drunk last night like super really fall down drunk....
it was a bit sloppy..
i dont think i have a gf ne more.
i caused some serious shit.
my friend has brain cancer.
i puked on the car.
then washed it at the coin op car wash.
then i puked some more.
it was great.
im so thirsty
i could drink a lake.

2006-03-15T11:33:00.000-05:00

sometimes i am worried about getting my white keyboard durty.
I guess im a idiot.

2006-03-10T09:29:00.000-05:00

Rain down on me

Yesterday working in the rain didnt suck as much as i thought it would... i am so fucking sick its unbelievable.. the halucinations at work make it a lot more fun to be there, and helped pass the time.

I wish i could just jump on a jet and goto cuba... or south america.
South America is the place...
its the new orange.

2006-03-08T09:43:00.000-05:00

im so sick and no one cares
thanks all friends
for taking care of me while sick
i will remember this when you get the bird flu.

2006-03-03T11:05:00.000-05:00

It is now legal for Sikhs to carry their kirpans in schools. Is this going too far? I have nothing against Sikhs or their beliefs but I see nothing but dilemmas coming from this. Next semester when I start at Concordia, and claim Rastafari to be my religious belief. Does this claim and following of religion give me the right to smoke joints where I please? Herb is a essential part of their religion, it would be unfair to let Sikh carry their kripans, and to not let the rasta's smoke their herb. Yes weed is illegal, and until today, it was illegal to carry a concealed weapon, or carry a weapon to school... Do you see where I am going with this????
where do we draw the line on religion??
what do you think is fair?
am I totally off base with this one?

2006-03-02T11:43:00.000-05:00

i have been searching through all the old articles on this blog today...
this blog used to be good... seriously... i know you dont believe me... but i have been looking all morning... it has inspired me... to take this blog back to what it used to be... My fourm for shit talking the world. and posting funny pictures to accompany such shit talking...
here are some fun pics from yester-year.

2006-02-28T10:57:00.000-05:00

"you ever take a crap so big your pants fit better?"

I am going to Coachella this year. and i am fairly excited about it. Some people say they arent into "festivals"...nor am i really. but take a look at the lineup for this show. Its great. Definatly the best line up Coachella has ever seen. Except for 2004 where radiohead, and the pixies played. But i think this year will be just as good.
Damn dude.
Damn

2006-02-20T10:47:00.000-05:00

"sing me spanish techno"

Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head hight fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep you mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual.... Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude - the attitude of courage, frankness and good cheer. To think rightly is to create. All things come through the desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high. We are gods in the chrysalis.

-Elbert Hubbard

2006-02-10T13:15:00.000-05:00

"Life is full of misfortune"

My suspicions of myspace being totally lame were right

This song explains everything that i cant put into words

MY SPACE MIXDOWN

2006-02-08T13:44:00.000-05:00

"An empty stomach is not a good political advisor"

Yesterday i ate tacobell for the first time in a really really really long time
i think it could have been the biggest mistake of my life.
Tacobell + my stomach = a fight in the gastrointestinal region of my body.

I hate when people second guess me when i know i am right.
It is quite possibly the most annoying thing in the world.
I know i am right, you dont have to ask the dude standing next to me the same question, to recieve the same answer.
I just wish for ONCE
people would take my word for it.

Rumors have been floating around that i am going to NYC.
if i do end up going, i will be hunting for someone... you know who you are.
and when i find ya. i promise a world of hurt.

2006-02-06T10:37:00.000-05:00

so i have cracked and gotten myself a myspace profile.

Lackingconfidence"

so anyone out there who is reading this, that is addicted to myspace.
will you please add me and explain to me how this thing works?
thanks

2006-02-01T11:05:00.000-05:00

"they had me in mind when they built you"

i sometimes want to freak out and punch random inanimate objects...but i dont.

there are some many crazy women on the face of the planet.
they are all nutty and bouncy off the walls-ie.
I have tried to meditate today.
but it was to no avail
interuptions. phone calls. lack of concentration

now my mind is thrown for a total loop
i dont need external stress when i have so much of it internally.

i am sick of being pushed around by my emotions.

2006-01-26T13:27:00.000-05:00

Check out my friends painting.
i know this shit is kinda oldschool. but its like msn Paint on speed.
i like.
and he is good
montreal look out
im a commin

2006-01-18T12:18:00.000-05:00

so then, bet all of you are wondering what vegas was like, and what exactly i did down there.
I can tell you this. I got wasted. really wasted.
the rest , shall remain a mystery. What happens in vegas Stays in vegas.

Lucky you.

2006-01-12T11:52:00.000-05:00

Just because you didn't see something, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

I am heading to Vegas tomorrow. And my stress levels are at an all time high. Why cant I just have fun. What happened to my drive. My drive for newer, better things?
I ask myself these questions I don't know the answer to. I ask because I want too know.
Not because I want to make myself feel stupid.
I hope I will be able to cut loose in Vegas, and let the good times roll.
Im sick of being left behind the pack.
im sick of packing behind the left.
I have no clue what the weather is like in Vegas, I hope it is mild enough to go swimming. I want to cruise to L.A. I have never been on the west coast of the USA.
I wonder what the people are like there.
they say Vegas is sin city.
IM not the biggest sinner on earth, but I know I am up there.

q:what's the diff between a gay rodeo and a straight rodeo?
give up?
A: at the straight rodeo, they yell "ride that sucker"

2006-01-07T21:44:00.000-05:00

For all you crazyjapeneselovermotherfuckers out there i found a translated version of that crazy kinkoman with the shrimps amoung other intense shit.
enjoy

2006-01-06T20:52:00.000-05:00

So then. I want to goto University.
I think it would be good for me.
I want to pay in cash.
I also want OSAP.
9000$ a year should suffice.

I want Amber's apartment.

CLICK HERE FOR THE PICTURES I TOOK AT THE KARDINAL CONCERT
THAT IS ALL.

O YEAH
gsusking is going fear and loathing style to Las Vegas.
I will be there a week today.
cruising the strip.
striping the cruise.

2005-12-28T12:31:00.000-05:00

So it looks like New Years in Montreal for me. I am booking everything that need to be booked right now.
I cant wait.
I want to relive the summer but during the winter months.
And I want to send HUGE shout out to Flash of Cowboytrance. Flash, my friend and I are heading down to Sin City just after the new year.
could you suggest a good hotel to stay at. and maybe some party spots. I would love to meet up with you while I am down there as well. So send me an email @ my Gmail account.
Hmmm what else. I took some great photos at the kardinal concert last week
here is a teaser.

The rest will be up on a website soon.

and I will post the ones I really like on my Photoblog

2005-12-24T21:29:00.000-05:00

Nichts ist unmoglich

The christmas party @ Mod went off with out a problem. Well there were a few problems, that involved heads, broken noses, and hands and faces.
But all seems to have sorted it self out for this day.
I cant wait for turkey tonite.
i had my yearly dose of eel last night.
I friggin love eel. LOVE.

2005-12-23T16:44:00.000-05:00

friday december 23rd,

I have hacked into this blog. merry christmas and happy new year bitches! angelo you're my boy.

2005-12-22T11:29:00.000-05:00

This is a post to let everyone know how much I love my friend Ashley. AKA: hendo, herderson, Snachly Benderson, Hendie, ect.ect.ect

Ash moved to England earlier in the year, and I have missed her since her departure.
We have managed to stay in close contact, even though she is so far away. I am grateful for this. Now, she is home from drunken holiday celebrations. I cant wait for her to leave again. So I can go and visit her in England and scam a free place to stay while I cause havoc amongst the British.

Ash is a party m.a.c.h.i.n.e

Went to England a vegetarian

came home a bacon lover.

2005-12-20T11:22:00.000-05:00

Yawn.

its been a few days.
so I guess an update is in order.
All my friends are slowly arriving home from their respective schools, and this excites me.
I am totally done my Christmas shopping which is really great. Cause usually I just leave it all to the last minute.
I even gave out some Christmas gifts early this year
well I gave one away early.
A coffee table book. To Greg, cause well, I always stay in his apartment in Montreal, and there is never a book or anything big enough to roll a joint on. So I bought him this huge book of Leonardo Da Vinci's sketches and drawings. It should suffice.
Also, I did a lot of spending on myself. I bought a PSP, which I must say has sucked endless amounts of precious hours from my life since I bought it last week. Yesterday I also bought a new flash for my camera, since I am shooting the Kardinal Concert this Thursday in Hamilton.
I bought myself some new shoes. Which are really nice. I love Royal Elastic, and don't know why I have never owned a pair.
I am not going to give away what I bought for people on here.
cause too many people read this blog.
I should start a blog called, secret Christmas gifts, and see if people can find it. And then in turn find out their Christmas gifts from moi.
ok I have lost it.
if you cant tell.
the stress of the season has got to me.
Me it has got to.

2005-12-15T10:44:00.000-05:00

Everyone should just go and check out my PHOTOBLOG. You should all go and leave me comments.
thanks.

2005-12-11T11:09:00.000-05:00

The anger from my last post carried through to Saturday night. I hit someone last night. Hard. Not undeserving, but still should not have been done.
Anger is a hellava drug

2005-12-10T11:41:00.000-05:00

"...far away from west virginia"

I could have finished it last night. I saw the ~~man~~, better yet, the worm that thinks he is the king shit. He runs his mouth off about ending things. Ending people.
He deserves what he is going to get.
Not acting on your anger is a very good trait to have. Sometimes it isnt.
last night i am glad i didnt act on anger. Because i am saving it up. Saving every last drop of angry. for when i see him again. And i will ask him the questions i want answers too. and if he makes the mistake of saying what i think he will say....
i dont know what will happen.

2005-12-09T11:13:00.000-05:00

All last year, I wanted to be normal. Now I have embraced my perverse nature, and I will nurture it, instead of hiding that shit.
I have learned that this is the person I am, and no-one can change that. Not even myself.
I feel like I should be at mod club watching the bubbles float down, and feeling like the strobe lights are going to give me seizures.
Fucking strobes.

2005-12-09T10:03:00.000-05:00

"ohhh!??!! I know Gill, she is the shit"

I really love TiVo. I mean really love. If marrying a mechanical device was legal?/possible, I would so marry my TiVo. I just love how I can pause, rewind, and fastforward through live TV. It also tapes all the episodes of Kenny Vs Spenny for me, and stores them so I may watch them in the future and laugh.
who ever invented TiVo, should get a Nobel prize.
seriously.
Who ever nominates people for those things best get off their ass, and nominate the inventor of TiVo.
This blog post seems like a fucking paid advertisement on TV.
I swear I am not being paid for this.
I LOVE HD-TiVo.

2005-12-08T10:45:00.000-05:00

All these people now a days are going to doctors. I friggin hate doctors.
"but they give you pills that make you feel happy!" Meh. I don't need happy pills. Well maybe in the doctors eyes I need them. But I say F that. I self medicate with delusions of grandeur, and randomly yelling at people.
You would be surprised, but it really works.
All of you out there on: Zoloft, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Celexa, Prozac....ect. ect. drop that shit like its hot, and try self medication. Do whatever it takes to make you crack a smile. Be it volunteering at the hospital, or spitting on old people. Just give it a shot. Don't let the drug pushers(doctors) get you addicted to their happy pills. Cause once you pop. You cant stop

this was a public service annoucement, brought to you in part by gsusking.

2005-12-06T01:12:00.000-05:00

DAN NEARY - The True Hollywood Story

Daniel Neary was a special man, a man of talent, a man of style. On the outside he seemed like your everyday meterosexual but through his obnoxious laughter and odd but unique dancing gleamed his struggle. Dan Neary had a serious addiction. He was addicted to bottles. Any type of bottle as long as it carried a liquid, which could be mistaken for alcohol. Yes, did he love those bottles. The fame and endless attention it brought him, he could not get enough. It got to the point where he would sell his kind but tainted soul for bottles. His clothes were constantly on the market, just selling anything he owned so he could buy that next bottle. No matter where he went, whether it be Tokyo, Time, 1234 even Bifteck Dan would need his bottle. There was even a day when he would refuse to pay for cabs, coat-check anything that was not associated with his bottle. He was sinking, sinking fast. Finally, the day came where he decided to get out of the sinful city that was feeding his addiction. He was on the right track, or so we all hoped. Unfortunately, Dan Neary suffered a relapse and ended back in his city of gold where he could buy all the bottles his heart desired. It started off slow but once again he was spiralling out of control. No one could put a stop to it. All he wanted, he needed, was his bottles. One night after a manic episode of buying three bottles he disappeared. He was gone and no one could find him for they were all too overcome from those three evil bottles. To this day no one has seen or heard of him. Dan Neary had too many dances with the devil. There have beenrumorss of his whereabouts. There have been alleged sightings in Poland and Finland at the bottle factories were Dan Neary is trying to find never-ending happiness.

- Inspired by a little thing called procrastinationÂ.

2005-12-02T10:50:00.000-05:00

I miss my buddy Austin. He is a good dude, and looks strikingly like Pacey from Dawsons Creek. Through the summer me and austin would chill everyday. We would smoke dope, and talk about girls. What a good dude. He had a spot on this blog before. It was and Audio post about him almost getting raped while hitch hiking home from london.
austin you rule.

2005-11-30T10:47:00.000-05:00

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT

She was a girl that was filled with love, so much so that you could see it in her eyes. Over time she faced challenges that clouded that love and she was no longer the confident girl that she had once been. Lacking strength she had to fight very hard to survive.

There came a day followed by many others when she felt defeated. To her it was as though she had not only resided in hell but was dancing with the devil. Simply getting out of bed in the morning became a struggle. She was crippled by her lack of faith and her battlefield was buried beneath a pool of her own tears.

Always striving to remain balanced she glued her eyes to the floor and in the pool at her feet she would see her reflection. The girl that stared back at her had eyes full of sadness, anger and fearÂshe was almost unrecognizable to herself. She was unable to see the strength within her, she saw only weakness.

She was determined to prevent anyone from seeing what she had become but it comes as no surprise that no matter how hard she tried to cover up her anguish she still felt naked and afraid like a fool.

One night she had, had enough. She could no longer mask her pain. The cost was just too much. In her pool of tears she begged for a reason to keep swimming. She wanted so much to live and to feel alive again.

Suddenly, she was flooded with life and although it was painful she embraced it. Almost simultaneously her eyes were drawn away from the floor and up to the sky. Not sure why, she held her hands firmly together and did something she had never done before. She prayed to God, not to make changes and fulfill her wishes but to give her clarity. "Why?" she asked. "How did I get I here and what did I do to deserve this?" As though she saw a light at the end of the dark tunnel she found her answer...she had done nothing. She had done nothing to deserve it, nothing to prevent it, and nothing to put an end to it.
All along she was waiting for her life to fix itself, to be better, when what she needed to do was fix her life herself. She had been given the clarity to see that she had the power to make the changes. The choice was hers.

With this much needed sense of control she faced the world differently. Slowly she gathered up the strength to make changes that made her proud of herself. With time she eventually held her head high again and although she would never forget, she would try to forgive.

Moral of the story???

The truth can set you free...to be a door mat you have to first put your self in a position to be stepped on. People can only take advantage you to the degree that you allow them to.

2005-11-24T11:26:00.000-05:00

So, this site hasn't seen nearly enough public humiliations of ones self. As the title has suggested since the early days of this blog.
I need to start publicly humiliating my self more, and need more pictures of said events.
if this were to happen, I could revolutionize comedy, with my absurd ways of falling down, and getting hit in the head.
....Whats that you say. Its already been done?? The 3 stooges? Well ive never heard of them.

I guess you could be right.

But still, I need to be humiliating my self, and in more so I need to get pictures of these humiliations and publish them here.
cause well.

This is the most public of my many humiliations.

2005-11-24T00:22:00.000-05:00

there is a great story to go with this photo. CHECK HERE FOR STORY

So it has come to my attention recently, that a few old friends of mine have joined this crazy world they call the Blogsphere.
Little do they know how powerful, and addicting blogging will become to them.
Go and show them some love.
BRENT FROM HALI
AND
Meaden THINKS HE IS GOOD AT POKER
I have been asked recently what LPE stands for. For those of you who have know clue what I am talking about. Its the sign in name for my server... Or log name or something like that. That is why all my pics are hosted at www.lpe.indiko.com ... Cause I am special and have a server.
Well, let me get back on track here... So recently people have asked me what LPE stands for. And for a while, I really couldn't remember. Had my mind been that clouded by pot.?
then it hit me like a crapload of heavy bricks.
LPE=Large Penis Envy.
I am so funny sometimes.

2005-11-21T10:03:00.000-05:00

Last night I saw the Jonny Cash movie: Walk The Line. It was really really great. I myself have never been the largest Jonny Cash fan, but the movie really showed me a side of him I had never seen before. The story was good, the music was great, and the acting was decent.

Now on the other hand, Gus Van Sant's Last Days was quite possibly the worst movie I have ever had the extreme displeasure of watching. Nothing happens. You wait for something to happen, then you wait some more. Then right when you think something is going to happen, it doesn't, then it ends. Waste of film.

There is a huge buzz about this Memoirs of Geisha movie. It looks really cool, and since we are on the subject of geishas I think I might reveal my new calling in life: Guy Geisha
I found that article while reading the paper on Sunday, and I really, really, want to become one. After reading the article, those of you who know me on a personal level will realize how perfect I am for the job. I am very serious about this.
GUY GEISHA WHAT!

2005-11-17T11:58:00.000-05:00

so Zathura, is probably the worst movie i have ever seen.. It was a big cheese fest right from the begining. I didnt like that movie, it didnt even compare to Jumangi, which at its time was one of my fave movies ever. The monkeys made it for me. The effects in Zathura looked like they were made by my 13 year old brother in my basement.
I thought it was strange when i walked into the theater with my date, and the friggen place was empty. Huge theater, no people in it.
Have you ever been the only person, or persons in the theater. Its pretty interesting. Makes for a different movie going experience. I was day dreaming before the movie started and i told my date "i am going to have a movie theater this big in my house on day."
she replied "dude, you know how much that will cost?"
i preteneded i knew what i was talking about when i said "prolly like $100,000"
she didnt believe that number, so today i have been researching how much it actually costs for one of those screens, and a reel movie projector (bad pun).
if anyone out there knows, please inform me about my inquiries in my comments.
Thanks.

OOOO i almost forgot. The daugther in zathura is an avril lavinge wanna be, but she is way hot.
if she wasnt in it, i would have walked out after the first scene.

2005-11-15T12:04:00.000-05:00

I bought a laptop the other day, it seemed to work well, then i decieded to wipe windows from the drive and re-install it. Half way through doing so, i realized i didnt have the disk to re-load the drivers. Now i have another paper weight/laptop.
IF ANY ONE OUT THERE CAN SOMEHOW SEND ME A DISK OF DRIVERS FOR A DELL LAPTOP.
I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER>

2005-11-11T11:19:00.000-05:00

So then, i will be heading into the city for lunch. I will be joined at lunch by my most faveorite person in the world. I am thinking we will eat japanese food, and i will flick sticky rice at the wall, while i sip on my miso soup.
I am going to bring my camera, i hopefully will be inspired to take some pictures.
It seems that i have a lack of insparation lately. I couldnt tell you guys why... like a trannies pussey, its just not there.

This is a very rushed post, as i am about to miss my train.
i still have to shower, god sometimes i hate showering. I wish the bathtub was never invented. Then everyone would be all smelly, and dirty. They way we were ment to be.

2005-11-07T10:11:00.000-05:00

she could hang from the sun ... put it out with her dark sun glasses

by reason of deduction I have decided that I only get laid because I have sex appeal.
You see, I am not the nicest guy in the world. I am more of an asshole then anything, Im not rich, or funny, My personality mirrors that of mud. Im not great looking, more of just your average Joe. But I like to dress well, I love to flirt, and I am confident. This gives me sex appeal, and sex appeal is far more powerful then any other force on this planet.
People say the sleep with people cause they: make them laugh, they are sweet... And this one takes the cake... Cause they love the person.
this makes me laugh. You don't have sex with someone cause you love them you have sex with them cause you want to fuck them. Its fairly simple, I love people, and a lot of these people I love, i would never think of banging.

Though my sexiness only appeals to about 1% of the population of the world, I still manage to get some. So to all you people out there reading this, not getting laid. Gather up some sex appeal. Remember, its not always about Love, and being nice. Hate fucking should be an olympic sport.

2005-11-04T11:49:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Aurora....not just a place, but a state of mind.

Well it is friday, it seems they just keep comming faster and faster each week.
Today, i am not doing anything productive.
Thats right, nothing.
I will be going to my friends hockey game, where he is playing against a bunch of old Toronto Maple Leafs. It should be entertaining.
There is a whole bunch of shit i want to talk about right now, but my mind is in a gerbil state right now. So well, i will get around to writing it later.
i need to start taking pictures again, it has been weeks.

2005-11-01T12:49:00.000-05:00

Wasted Nights = Wasted Days

$5 martinis are my enemies. Though they were just the catalyst in last night's science experiment.

The results from the experiment are conclusive :

Drinking at night = I can not function at all the next day.

2005-10-31T09:28:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, I went to my friends' funeral. It was a Muslim funeral, and well... I had never been to one before, and totally did not know what to expect.
It was beautiful. Different, but beautiful all the same.
Masta and I walked in, and were immediately asked to remove our shoes. We did so, and were led further into the Mosque. We were led to our seats, and were informed in brief, what a Muslim funeral intails.
We sat, as everyone prayed. I believe a rough translation of the prayer was: "praise Allah, take our brother into your land, and pray for the living" This was repeated and sung for about an hour, until they brought the bodies out.
Then everyone was asked to pay their respects to the dead. We sat and awaited our turn. There were probably about 1000 people there. They all slowly got up and walked by both the caskets. This was by far, the hardest part for me. I never expected to see my two friends like this. They did not look natural, and were wrapped in a ceremonial cloth.
After we paid our respects, we were led into another room. Where more prayers were said. Im not sure of the translation. We were standing, and the prayers continued, a guy next to Masta and I fainted, I felt so bad for the guy. After 10 more minutes of prayers the ushers/volunteers asked us to face each other, so we made rows of people facing one another, with about a 3 foot space between us.
This was when the coffins were brought into the room. And passed between the rows, so that everyone's hand helped carry the casket. I think this part was especially hard on masta. Since he had never been to an open casket funeral, he was already messed up from seeing the bodies. We both stayed strong, as the caskets passed through our hands. I said my personal prayers, and goodbyes to my friends at this point, and felt a release. I felt at peace. As the caskets were passed the prayers that were just a few words, were repetitively sung. I found this very soothing, and almost hypnotic.
I did not goto the burial, because I thought it was for the immediate family only.
It was good closure, for both masta and I. We talked about how we felt, and how interesting it was to have such a part in our friends funeral.

2005-10-28T12:45:00.000-04:00

This suit has seen too many funerals.
These ears heard too many lies.
My imagination is jealous, because my eyes have seen the unimaginable.
Slowly and unsurely, things will return to normal.
No more lunch together.

2005-10-25T11:37:00.000-04:00

The fucking gun violence in this city has got to stop. The amount of shootings in the past 72 hours is mind boggling. I want to start an anti gun rally, but I am afraid, if I speak these words when I am not hidden behind the mask of anonymity, I myself will be shot.
Two of my very good friends, were both, shot and killed on Sunday evening. This is canada for fucks sake, the biggest and best city in Canada. Through the summer, a lot of people were shot, due to gang violence. But my friends were the 63rd and 64th homicides this year in toronto, respectivly.
I am not taking this very well, i am filled with anger more then any other emotion. These men were my friends. My close friends. 26, and 25. Both had many years left to live. They were robbed. Robbed of life, and whatever else they had in the car, that made it worth shooting them in their heads.
Im going to stop myself before i get really mad.
for anyone out there who owns a gun. go throw it in the lake/ocean/garbage.

RIP
Aleem
and
Bisquit.

2005-10-23T14:00:00.000-04:00

Designer drugs, and chemical narcotics.
Do not let them use you. Try your best to be a good human being, with out the aid of illicit substances.
Pot calling the kettle black.
I have come to a point in my life, almost a fork in the road. Where I must make decisions that will effect the outcome of my life.

flag is down at the 48

These, are ment to be the best years of my life.
Why aren't they?
that is a question I ask myself every day.
I wanted to go out on Friday.
I wanted to go out last night.
today, would have been cool....

My brain is bubbling today. Not good bubbling.
I wanted to buy something really expensive yesterday, and then smash the shit out of it. The rain washed away these plans, and my will to live.

I had a few ideas:

I wanted to buy a car, and just destroy it, but then I was afraid I would get arrested for some law I didn't know about. That pertains to smashing cars in a parking lot.

next, I thought I would buy a china hutch, and destroy it with an axe or something.
it would have been cool, if it was all filled with china as well.

Then I thought about buying or 'finding' a TV I could smash. With a baseball bat. Or maybe a hockey stick(since I am Canadian).

While smashing these things, I planned on drinking a bottle of champange.
I don't know where these ideas are comming from.

im starting to like it though.

Early this morning as i was walking home in the rain. It felt like i was moving backwards while walking forwards. That is almost the same way i feel about my life right now. I am traveling forward through time, but it feels like i am moving backwards in life. I guess this is probably hard for all of you out there to understand.
I feel like a hamster in his exercise wheel. There are no real negative effects, but he isnt going anywhere. Its like working two weeks, just to pay for one.
Pointless.

2005-10-20T11:21:00.000-04:00

"...well, i wasnt down, i just wasnt smiling at you"

The days are going by faster and faster. It seems like a year has passed in just minutes. This 'fast moving time' thing is really getting to me. I feel so old, and as every second passes, i feel that much older.
Time is a large circle, with no begining, and no end. To most of you, that quote wont make any sense. cause, most of you are sane.
The Arcade Fire is good.
Bob Saget is bad.

2005-10-18T11:19:00.000-04:00

I am the biggest perve on the planet.
ok
now that i have that off my chest.
check out this site.
some entertaining photos

2005-10-17T12:07:00.000-04:00

Tonight I am hopefully going to see an unnamed women in concert.
I hope I can score the illusive tickets I have been hunting for.
I hope I hope I hope.
Willma is on deck, the last hurricane of the year. Well that's what the gulf coast hopes.
There hopes seem more important then mine. But they are not.
I hate GWB.
Today's post is a bit scatterbrained.
I am excitified.
my weekend was long. I doubled up on party hours.
and halved my sleep intake.
sometime I question my decisions. Then I remember you only live once.
maybe 2wice.
less then likely 3 times.
but that's it, I draw the line at 3 times.

2005-10-14T11:42:00.000-04:00

My right ear keep clicking, and feeling like it is on an airplane. Its cause my head is one big stuffed up mess. All the pressure inside of there is fucked.
I don't want to write about being sick today. So I wont.

The movie 'It's All Gone Pete Tong" is fucking amazing, I could watch it on a loop for at least 3 hours. I love it, its so funny, in a non-funny way. The irony of a Dj going deaf is great, and I love how the director/writer plays on it.
There was another movie I saw that I think everyone should see, but... My brain is not co-operating this morning, so I cant remember the title, or what the movie is about. I just can remember that I had another movie to suggest. It will come to me at some point tonite and I will yell "MOVIE TITLE" and start laughing to myself. The people in the bar will look at me really strangely. Then I will yell it again "MOOOOOOVIE TITLE, I can t believe I forgot the name of it" At this point, the bartender, or waitress that is serving me, will politely ask my party and I to leave. I love how I refer to my imaginary friends as 'my party'.

2005-10-13T11:03:00.000-04:00

So I had a seriously demented nightmare last night. I think being sick had something to do with it.
It was about my good friend Greg. There were these murders going down in the area, and our friends were dying. Me and Greg stuck together to hopefully kick the murderers ass if he came after us.
Then I started to put the pieces of the puzzle together(it was like some CSI shit), and I concluded that Greg was the killer.
I then confronted him about it.

"Greg, you are murdering all these people aren't ya?" I asked.

It took him a few minutes to reply but he did "yeah, so what? They deserved it."

He then went on to tell my why these people deserved to die. This is when I started to get scared.
"well since you are my buddy, I will help you get out of this trouble" I re-assured him.
This is when I started to get nervous in my dream.
It really started to mess with me, thinking that he was going to kill me. We then went on a huge chase, that subconsciously traveled through Toronto, and Montreal at the same time. I was trying to nicely escape from him, cause I knew he planned to kill me.
thinking of it now makes me scared.
Greg, if you are reading this, you are one scary fucker.

2005-10-12T00:49:00.000-04:00

I like it long, and painful.

I am sick, and I am starting to believe that it is killing me. My nose is stuffed, my throat is sore. I do not have a fever though.
I remember when I was a kid. I was always really really sick. There is one time that totally sticks out in my memory. I was about 12. I had gotten bronchitis. It was really shitty, I couldn't eat, or even get out of bed for a few days. My fever was so high, I was hallucinating. It felt like I was standing on my head, and all the blood was rushing too it. This coupled with the rollercoaster ride/the spins, and what I thought was my dad yelling at me, totally fucked me up. I had never hallucinated before, as you see, this was me pre-mind altering drugs. I was all sweaty and gross.
I don't really know where I am going with this. I just hope this cold makes me hallucinate.
i can smell a free buzz commin on.

2005-10-11T00:17:00.000-04:00

A list of things I did not, not do in Montreal: or How I learned to stopped worrying and love double negatives

1) I did not, not talk to a crazy blind bum from Oakville for about an hour on Sunday morning before going on the CIBC "walk for a cure".

2)I did not, not get really drunk at dinner on Sunday and spill red wine everywhere. What else did I not, not do? I did not, not get up in the middle of diner and get two more bottles of red wine from the SAQ next door for our table. L'Academy, classy joint. The food was really not, not shit though.

3)I did not, not get really wasted on Sunday, goto central station after diner, and hit on older women. I also did not, not take said older women and my friends to an after hours that I have been known to not, not frequent.

4)I did not, not convince a nice bartender at the local "dive" to drive me back to Toronto. We did not, not share the same taste in music, and this made the drive not, not fun.

2005-10-07T20:35:00.000-04:00

Another friday night in the city

Bah, i am semi-bitter tonite, cause i am going out to spend money i shouldn't on shit i dont like.
But when in rome. as they say.
somethings in toronto are starting to get on my nerves, like it the number one problem with toronto is that its not montreal. And that is pissing me off, more and more, with each passing second.
To many snobs in Toronto for my liking.
f'n snobs.

2005-10-04T19:46:00.000-04:00

hey,

Angelo sucks. He made sure I said that about him
so like, yeah, whatever, you know. Here it is bIATCHES

so we got together recently to get trashed and take pics n here it is.

pour me anothing drink asssssssssws. Yeah

- b.e.r

So then, ambers drunken rendition of these events is so untrue. Cause I do not suck. Though I didn't tell her to say that, she says I did.

What a guy ledouche.

We are wasted, and drinking The James' booze. He seems to be in class, so Ber and I have taken over the apartment + the booze. It smells like cooked bacon. I enjoy bacon.

2005-10-04T13:19:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the world of the unfortunate.

That quote is the only thing i can remember from my dream last night.
It was like burned into the inside of my eyelids as i awoke this morning.
I love waking up on a couch in montreal, nothing makes me more content.
Its great here. So warm, and intoxicating.
I have been drunk since i got here, which is fairly strange for me, since i rarely look to the bottle as a means of entertainment.
I was just about to goto a bar, and hit on the bartender, but i didnt.
whats it to ya?